There was a young girl walking around completely lost and so empty inside. Things got worse for her when the family fell apart, but her troubles really started before then. Nobody knew how troubled she was. When she was alone, which was often, all she could do was cry. She was afraid most of the time. She really started to hate her life. She hated the way she looked. She was short and struggled with weight. She considered herself quite ugly and worthless (later on, when her dad left and never tried to contact her, she thought it was proof of her worthlessness). She was always so shy and self conscious. She had a hard time in school, she wasn’t one of the brightest kids and the shyness made it difficult to make friends. She had some, but in time it became more difficult because she had a hard time trusting. She had been scarred by some cruel kids growing up. There were times that some boys thought it was funny to grab her inappropriately. They liked to mess with the “fat” girl. She wasn’t a real person to them. She learned to ignore it and would just keep walking…with her head down. The walk home from school was quite far. So many times she’d be walking home alone with tears streaming down her face from those hurtful moments. She didn’t want to tell anybody that she was hurting inside so she did all she could to keep her feelings to herself. She was embarrassed. She didn’t think anybody would understand anyway. She had an early start of growing tired and hopeless. Thoughts of suicide to end the pain soon followed. When she reached the 10th grade, things got better. It was from losing weight. It gave her some confidence and a boost in self-esteem. She did make some good friends and the thoughts of suicide were gone for a while. However, the happiness didn’t last long. As soon as her parents split apart, it was downhill from there. In time she became completely lost and felt that nobody really saw or heard her. She really didn’t want to be seen or heard by then.
I want so much to tell this young girl about Jesus. I want her to really understand what He did for her on the cross. I want her to know how much she is loved by God and how He sees her as the apple of His eye. In His eyes, she is beautiful. She needs to know that there’s nothing she can do to make Him love her more…or less. She should know that God has great plans in store for her life. I want her to know that even though she’ll go through many trials as an adult, she will not be going through them alone because Jesus will never leave her side. He will lift her up. I want to tell her that every challenge is an opportunity to grow closer to Him. He will use everything for His good purpose and she will be richly blessed. I want to tell her to never give up hope. In Jesus, we have a hope that never disappoints. She needs to know that there’s much more to life than what she is seeing and that life is so worth living.
I was that young girl and I sure wish I would have had somebody in my life at that time saying those words or something like them to me. Even though it didn’t happen that way before I got old enough and chose to reach for the bottle instead of for Jesus, I am so very grateful that I know His love today. He has completely turned my life around and is using every single painful experience for His glory now. What a journey this has been. What’s been happening to me for the last two plus years keeps me in such awe of Him. He keeps moving in my life in such big ways. All I can think of doing are things that bring Him glory. I am called to serve Him in ministry. It’s my heart’s desire. I am doing things I never ever could have dreamed of. The courage He has given me to just show up and be there and open my heart to strangers…wow. That’s actually how this blog started. Who pours out their heart like this? Well, apparently I do but I couldn’t do it without Him leading me to do it, that’s for sure. I am thankful for the courage and boldness that He gives me.
Again I find it difficult to write about such painful memories from when I was young, but the Lord has placed it on my heart to do it. I want nothing more for the broken hearted than to feel God’s presence like I do—to feel His overwhelming love, and peace and to be completely healed and rescued from the enemy’s chains. I want them to have the desire in their own heart to seek Him always and above all. I want them to receive their breakthroughs and miracles. This is what I am doing with this second chance at life. I will do it until I take my last breath on this earth. My heart is so willing. I want to live it for Him and I will do all I can for others, praying that I can help them find hope in Jesus too. I pray that I can be someone who sees and hears a lost soul and boldly shares Jesus with them. I pray that more of us will pay attention to our surroundings and reach out to the lost and be bold for Jesus. Maybe, just maybe we can help a person avoid such pain like I and so many like me have gone through because we didn’t have the Lord in our lives. How awesome would that be?!
The peace, joy, and love that I carry inside—I’ve never known anything like it before. It’s indescribable what I feel inside and I know it can only come from the Lord. I so want other people to feel Him like this!!! I seek the Lord with my whole heart every day and I always find Him. This life is hard and I cannot live it without Him. Not anymore. I tried that and it didn’t work out very well. Jesus is truly my all.
So although I can’t see anyone right now, I just want to say from one broken heart to another, I pray you will be inspired to seek Jesus with your whole heart. When you find Him, and I know you will, I pray that you never stop seeking. I pray that you learn to make Him the center of your life every single day. Make Him Lord of your life, over ALL of your life. You will never, ever be the same.
God bless. ♥