Tag Lonely Hearts

Christmastime Misery to Miracles: My prayer for the sad and lonely hearts this Christmas

Debbie B. Leave a comment

So many people suffer from sadness this time of year. It is mind-boggling to me being that I am one of those who has suffered since I was sixteen years old — I believed for so long that I was alone. I believed that something was wrong with me because I did not have the joy that I would see others have.  After all, it is Christmas – the most wonderful time of the year, right? OK, sorry. I never thought that was cute either, especially when I was in deep depression.

Well, this Christmas, just two months before my 50th birthday AND my six year milestone of sobriety (WOW…only God!), something extra incredible is taking place inside of my heart for the first time. The Holy Spirit of Christmas is moving and I have to tell the world about it because I know without a doubt that what God is doing for me at this very moment is something that He will do for anyone who calls out to Him wholeheartedly. No matter how long it takes, those who keep following, obeying, seeking, and trusting Him will receive their miracle too! But you must believe without a doubt and NEVER GIVE UP while waiting.

I pray this story of my own Christmastime miracle will reach many. I so want to encourage the hearts that feel like giving up and who perhaps are losing all hope. Do not give in to those thoughts that are from the devil wanting to destroy you. I know how tiring it is year after year to have the heavy heart that you are currently suffering. I walked with that heavy heart for over 30 years of my life.

For just a quick background of my story, one day, in my most desperate moment, God heard my sincere cries and reached down and changed everything. He changed me in ways I never dreamed of. I have been living an incredible life as a new Christian since 2010. Notice that I did not say it was an easy life, but incredible, nonetheless. For those who are new to my story, I suffered from severe depression and was tormented by thoughts of suicide. The only way I knew to deal with it was to drink as much as I could to kill the emotional pain with the hope that one day I would not wake up. But there came a day with a heartfelt rock bottom cry and that is when God sobered me up and took the severe depression away. It was a true miracle.

However, when Christmas 2010 came, I was discouraged by how heavy my heart became once again. I did not understand it. I pushed through and sometime after the New Year, I was all right again – only to find it start all over again come Christmas 2011…2012…2013…2014. Toward the end of 2014, I could not believe that I was starting to go backwards, spiritually speaking. In the Spring of 2015, I was entertaining thoughts of giving up. I was so tired of the fight. I was starting to believe once again that I was worthless and that everyone would be better off without me. I heard stories of recent suicides – I have a hard time explaining where my mind went with that, but it really had me thinking that maybe it is not such a bad idea after all (dang devil is such a liar).

So what happened that made me go backward? Well, it all started with an annual physical in September 2014 that suddenly had me going through invasive medical tests and procedures that caused a lot of physical pain. Although that was pretty bad and discouraging in itself, the part that really brought me down was the reason I was having to go through any of it. It was due to a repercussion from my past life. The poor choices I made long ago had caught up with me and the devil took advantage of my vulnerable state. He had me believing that I did not deserve God’s love. That I was a bad person and that was why I had to suffer the consequences of my choices. I got knocked down pretty hard spiritually and I would get up and be all right for a bit, but I would get knocked down again and again until I almost got lost in the dark again.

I cannot tell you how grateful I am that I never fully gave in. I still continued to cry out to Jesus for help. I had sisters in Christ listening to my tears and praying for me each week at Bible study — one being my pastor who would also answer every text message and email I had ever sent her during each week when I was struggling. My church prayed for me. I even had a dear and very busy brother in Christ make time to call me frequently to pray. I am so blessed because these wonderful people of God helped me to keep on keeping on and Jesus lit the pathway in the darkness so I could see just enough to get to the other side with Him.

It has been an incredible year of spiritual growth. That is what I love so much about this journey of walking with God in the center. NOTHING goes to waste. He truly uses all things for good. I received a clean bill of health from that last medical issue and I received much more than that! I have complete freedom for the first time in my entire life! GOD BROKE THROUGH, AND I BROKE FREE!!!! In that year-long struggle of dealing with depression, I became an incredibly strong woman of God. God’s Word, my sword, never leaves me and I am able to fight off every attack of the enemy since. I am eternally grateful. Now this is all wonderful, but this is not the miracle that I am wanting to share. But since this all helped me to open the way for God to give me the miracle, it is an important part of the story that needed to be told.

SO, the greatest lesson I learned through this year-long struggle was this: Getting past my past! That is it! I needed to completely let go of the shame…AGAIN. I had let it go before, but the enemy was able to sneak it back in when the medical issue came up. However, since I did not give in, Jesus once again took the pain away. He showed me that I am not worthless and He gave me His wonderful self-esteem — the days of no esteem are over. The enemy, the accuser of my life, has been silenced!  I learned that NOTHING in this world can ever change who I am in Christ. NOTHING, NO ONE, and NO THING defines me. Only God does and I know so well what He thinks of me. I know what He thinks of you too. Just open the Bible and listen to the Love He has for you that pours out all over the place.

This breakthrough that took place around August 2015 has been bringing some incredible blessings as I continue on in the journey. My strength has helped me to become an incredible prayer warrior for others, and it brought me the most beautiful gift I have experienced in a long time — God turned my Christmastime misery into a Christmastime miracle. I do NOT have a heavy heart this year! Friends, that is nothing short of a miracle, especially since my circumstances have not changed. I am still alone (meaning single and childless) and still have my losses in life, BUT have so much more in Christ and my eyes can see that now. I see more now what I have gained in Christ and that is a life-saving transformation! Jesus has filled every hole in my heart with His gift of grace and love. He has filled me with His Presence and I wish I could explain this better for those of you still suffer, because you need to feel what I am feeling. It is beyond incredible. With Jesus’ love consuming my heart now, there is absolutely no room for any sadness or darkness.  My heart, which is His heart, is pouring into yours at this very moment as you read this. I pray you can feel Him! He is right there with you! Open up and let Him pour in…

I also just want you to know that I get it – your heavy heart. I am praying for your miracle to come and I pray that you will not give up while you wait for it. Remember, I suffered for over 30 years, and after giving my life to the Lord, I waited another five years. But God came through, just like He promises too. While I waited, I took advantage of every challenge so that I could grow closer to God and grow stronger in Him. I am so in awe of His power that is available to those of us who seek it.

So, that is it. I have been talking about this a while, and writing down what is going on in my heart is difficult. I do not think I could ever do it justice, but I pray God gets through somehow. I just want to say again, never give up. Never give in. Trust in God. Surround yourself by godly people who will help keep you lifted when you are down and will encourage and love you every step of the way. Choose to make opportunities for lessons learned out of every challenge and wait to be amazed. You will be. It is a promise. It is HIS promise.

May your heavy heart be light soon – may it be filled with His light that drives out every ounce of darkness. God wants to turn your misery into a miracle too. Will you open up the way for Him? I pray you will. God bless you this Christmas and every single day. Keep pressing on, your miracle is on the way…

Now, if you will excuse me, Christmastime is here and I need to go tell it on another mountain!

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Jesus is the Light of the world — “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” (John 1:5)

 

MY FOREVER BROKEN SOUL       

Debbie B. 4 Comments

Wow. Forever. That’s what I keep hearing every time I think about and continue to tearfully deal with my own brokenness. It’s been almost four months since I’ve written last and a lot has happened in my life since then. First, I celebrated my 4th year of God’s miracle sobriety (thank You, God!). Soon after that, I graduated from Celebrate Recovery’s Step Study (12 Step program).  And now I have a brand new nephew who was born on Palm Sunday. A brand new life! Praise the Lord! There’s so much more to celebrate and to be grateful to God for, which I have been. But there is also still so much pain that I’m discovering that is barely reaching the surface. The slow healing process has been all in God’s perfect timing and in HIS way. Not my own. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I finally stopped asking Him “God, why don’t You just reach down and completely heal me already??!!” I mean, He’s done it in other areas of my life like physical healing’s, but with my deep emotional scars…well, not so much. It’s been very slow, and it’s been PAINFUL. Believe it or not though, I wouldn’t want it any other way because it draws me so near to Him and I am learning such life saving lessons that I wouldn’t learn with an instant healing so I am very grateful for that!

I have been walking this incredible emotional healing journey with the Lord for over a year now. I think it has been the toughest part of my journey thus far. I’ve mentioned before in other posts that I really had no idea how broken I was until I was taken back in time so I could figure what it was in my life that caused the depression and darkness and the desire to try to drink myself to death, and learn from it. Going back and digging deep into my soul was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I didn’t think I could ever be thankful for this, but I truly am thankful to the Celebrate Recovery ministry for taking me there. It was definitely the hand of God that led me to that ministry and the timing of it blows me away. None of the healing that I have received so far would have happened had I not stepped out in faith and started their Step Study. I must tell you, I so did not want to be there, but just like at the beginning of my spiritual journey over four years ago, I just kept showing up. God kept showing up too. He still does of course. You see for me, it was more than my dad walking out of my life when I was a young teen that caused all of my issues in life. That was truly a traumatic event in my life that started me down the dark path, but I’ve since discovered that there’s much more to my hurting and depression. There were more traumatic events that took place later on so I can’t blame it all on him. Years of burying the pain helped me to forget about it, but I never really truly forgot about it. You can’t heal what you don’t feel, right? There have been things in my life, even to this day that trigger old painful memories to come back. It’s been difficult for me to admit that I am still broken, but I guess it’s unrealistic to think that the hurts will completely go away some day never to be remembered ever again. Besides, if I don’t remember them, how am I going to be able to help others through theirs? I believe that only broken people can help broken people. So I am going to keep learning all I can in dealing better with the pain so I can get through this and share it with others.

Not a whole lot of people around me know (well, I guess they will now if they read this) that I’m in therapy working on some of the deep emotional scars that have come to surface. I was concerned because I felt myself starting to feel like I was going backwards a bit into depression. I can’t go back there, I just can’t. So after some prayer and seeking guidance from my pastor and another dear friend I trust, God led me to someone who has been wonderful in helping me to overcome the past hurts and tools to help me through new difficult situations that may trigger old ways of thinking so that I can avoid going back into the pit. Just like CR, I didn’t want to go and pour my hurting heart out to a stranger! But I don’t regret one moment of it and I thank God for strong men and women of faith who are therapists! God has been a part of just about every session and I am grateful! Why am I sharing this? I don’t know!! It’s a God thing—I’m just following His lead praying it will let someone else know it’s okay if they need help. God uses everything for good.

Okay, so I’m thinking that my soul will be forever broken while walking this earth and if that’s true, it’s actually a good thing for me. I am embracing the pain. Now honestly, I wasn’t thinking that a couple of weeks ago as I was crying through more pain, but now that my eyes are dry I see it’s a good thing because I will always be dependent on God. It will make Him my one and only desire. I don’t ever want to live this life on my own again, putting all of my hope in people and things of this world. It didn’t work out so well for me the first 44 years of life. It almost killed me like it has killed so many already. This is why I share my life. It is my hope that my testimony will encourage someone out there who is where I used to be.

Friend I’m really glad you’re here reading this. Perhaps you’re someone who is at the end of your rope barely holding on. You may be considering ending it all because the pain is too much to bear. Don’t do it. I’m grateful that I didn’t. God is here and He loves you more than you can ever imagine. He’s just waiting for you to call out to Him. You don’t need an elaborate prayer. You can say something as simple as “Jesus, I need You. I can’t do this on my own anymore. I’m tired. Will you help me?” Friend, He is real and He WILL help you if you ask Him to, so I pray you will. But you must remember it’s HIS when, and HIS way. I just know that if you do this, your life is about to change in a drastic way. Surrender your heart and just trust Him and others (like me) who are walking the same walk. Just take a look at my other stories to see some of the amazing things God has done. I’m taking chances sharing my heart so openly on this blog. I hope it will encourage you to take a chance too. Is it going to be easy? No. But I can testify that it is sure going to be more than worth it.

“Lord, I lift my hurting friends up to you. Please bless them and start the healing process in them. You led them here for a reason, Lord. Bring people like me into their lives so they do not have to walk this journey alone. Bring them people who can help them find hope in You. Bring people to them who will show them Your love. Make Yourself real to them like you have done for me and so many others. Help them to know Your love and that Your gift of life is SO worth living for. Thank You, Lord.  In Your precious name Jesus, I pray. Amen.”

Thanks to you all for “listening” to my heart. It feels good to be writing about the great things of God in my life again. God bless you. ♥

To the Lonely, Depressed, Broken: You don’t have to stay that way…I didn’t.

Debbie B. 2 Comments

I am grateful to God for giving me an amazing desire to share my vulnerable heart with anybody who will listen. I share my struggles as well as victories. God has performed miracles in my life and what good is it if I don’t share what He’s done for me with the world? This has given my life much meaning and I do it with the hope that people who are struggling will be encouraged to perhaps either turn to Jesus for the first time, or renew their faith in Him.

I am focusing on recovery today. I pray that anybody who is hurting, lonely, depressed, broken, or whatever your struggle may be, will consider beginning a recovery program. I pray this post will inspire you to take that courageous step sooner than later. There are different recovery programs out there, but the only one I am going to share about is Celebrate Recovery because that is where I go. It’s all I know. First and foremost, it is Christ-centered which is extremely important to me, but you don’t need to be a Christian to attend. Everybody is welcome. Second, recovery is for anybody who is struggling with “hurts, hang-ups, and habits” (as CR states it). I love the fact that it’s not just for alcohol or drug addiction like many people incorrectly assume. I happened to be one of “those people” before I gave it a chance and found out more about it.

Not many of my earlier posts on A Reason to Live have been about the progress of my recovery journey at CR. It’s not because I don’t want anybody to know about my progress or know that I’m even in recovery to begin with.  If you know me at all, you know my life has been an open book for quite a while now. Being this vulnerable and transparent was SO not part of my plan at all. No way would I have chosen that for myself. I believe some people who know me think I’m crazy to share such personal things about my life. I mean, you gotta be crazy to share very personal things for all to see on the internet, right? Well, you can call me crazy, but I like to call myself an obedient servant of the Lord. He’s creating an incredible testimony through my life and I’ll do anything to share it for Him. Somehow A Reason To Live has reached 37 countries including the USA. I’m not a typical blogger. I only write when the Lord puts something on my heart to share. I am amazed that this blog gets hits almost every day even though I’m averaging maybe one post a month lately. That’s a God thing for sure.

Anyway, the reason why I haven’t written much about my recovery is because it has been quite intense for me. My progress is where much of my focus has been, so writing gets put on the back burner. I am glad that I am finally able to share how I’m doing. I have no reason to hold anything back so I will share that this recovery journey at CR has been THE most difficult, and many times, THE most painful process that I have ever been through in my entire life. EVER. I don’t mean to sound like I’m trying to discourage anybody from doing recovery, I just have to be honest with how mine has been going. You must also know that it has been more than worth it because I am learning life-saving lessons. Even though I have suffered much growing pain, this recovery journey is turning out to be the biggest blessing of my life. I do not regret one moment of it. I do not regret one tear. I am receiving healing for past hurts that I could have sworn I was over and were forgotten. It turns out that they were only forgotten. They had been buried very deeply into my soul. I think that’s an extremely dangerous place to be for someone like me who used to be a severely depressed alcoholic in isolation.

I will never forget that first night as I drove into the church parking lot to check out CR. I did not want to get out of the car! A dear friend from afar contacted me that night and gave me the encouragement I needed to just do it, so I did. I was warmly greeted by strangers and that helped a lot. But when I first walked into that CR meeting, I truly did not feel that I belonged there. After all, I had already been sober for a little over two years. God gave me that miracle sobriety so why did I need a recovery program?? I kept asking God, why are You sending me here? Weeks later, I would get my answer, but initially I remember feeling so out of place. I had no idea what CR was about prior to that first night. I thought it was strictly for alcoholics and drug addicts and I only thought that because that’s what I had understood from someone else who was misinformed at the time. I learned quickly that CR is so much more. It truly is for everybody.

It took about eight consecutive weeks of showing up for me to start to feel that just maybe I really did belong there. I kept hearing the seasoned people say “keep coming back” and I honestly did NOT want to keep coming back. But I did, and I am so glad I did. I was encouraged to join their Step Study which is known as the Christ-centered 12 steps. It was something else that I really didn’t want to do, but I felt the Lord leading me to do it, so I signed up. This part of the program has been the toughest part of the journey for me. I cry a lot. But I am amazed at the healing that is taking place in my heart. This program is transforming my life all over again. I have put my whole heart into this and it is taking me to a whole new level on this faith walk with Christ.  I am a leader in the making now. The Lord has shown me that my future includes being a CR leader. It’s been God’s plan for my life all along and I’ve just discovered it this year. How blessed am I to have found my divine purpose in this life.

I feel I’m supposed to share these important events in my life. Not because it has anything to do with me or what I’ve done, but because it’s all about God and the great things HE has done. And I just hope and pray that it will be encouraging for others because it shows that God will do great things, beyond any imagination, in the life that seeks Him with their whole heart and makes His will their priority.

God gave me my miracle of sobriety in early 2010. It came from a rock bottom call out to Him in a hospital room. I wasn’t even sure He was real, but I fully surrendered all of me to Him for the first time and He answered my prayer and I have never touched another drink. He delivered me from the depression. HE IS REAL.

October 2011

“Miracles Remembered!”

If that wasn’t amazing enough, I was asked to share God’s miracle during a televised church service that was recorded on October 2, 2011, and aired weeks later reaching many people nationwide and internationally. That was a miracle in itself because I’m just me. I never could have imagined that a seven minute interview would be so powerful. But that’s how God works. I agreed to do it because I wanted people to find hope in Jesus and turn to Him for help. I didn’t think about those who knew me and that they would be finding out for the first time through an interview that I had lived decades with depression and a drinking problem. At least I tried not to. I was a bit nervous about speaking in church and knowing it would be recorded, but my pastor prayed over me prior to the service and I was comfortable enough to get through it with her. It was a wonderful experience and my life hasn’t been the same since.

I remember that one of the questions my pastor had asked was if I had done a 12 step program and of course the answer had been “No”. How incredible is it that one year later, in October 2012, I would start attending Celebrate Recovery not really understanding why I was there?! I never could have imagined that I would be starting the 12 step program just two months after that.

You see, in my case, God didn’t send me to CR to get sober. He had already taken care of that. God sent me there to receive proper healing so I could have a better chance at staying sober. He sent me there to use my life and testimony to encourage and walk with others in their recovery. He sent me there to get leadership training so I can one day bring this wonderful and needed ministry to my own church home. He sent me there to give me purpose–to have a meaningful life. He sent me there so I could bring Him glory. What an honor. What a gift of life. And to think I almost ended it a while back. I am so in awe and grateful for what He’s doing.

People need to know that this is not just about putting an end to our destructive patterns or addictions. We must get behind the issues that caused us to be destructive in the first place. I had no idea I was still carrying around deeply rooted pain until I participated in the step study. I do shed a lot of tears, but it’s true that there is healing in tears. I am learning to let go of hurts and the shameful things I’ve done in the past. It’s not easy, but the Lord is definitely healing me through this wonderful ministry. I am so grateful for the friends He has placed in my life. I need my friends. I can’t do this alone, none of us can. It is scary for me to think how easy it is for people to relapse. It doesn’t matter how long a person has been in recovery. Everyone is capable of relapsing if they stray away from God thinking they can do it on their own. I know that I am absolutely powerless without God being in charge of my life. And I need godly friends to hold me accountable. I have recovery friends and other ministry friends who do this for me and they pray for me and I am beyond grateful for every single one of them.

I pray this post will encourage someone to take a step of faith and allow the Lord to help them. And if anyone is in need of recovery for any kind of hurt or struggle, I pray you will give Celebrate Recovery a try for a while and see what God does. Even if you don’t believe in Him, He believes in you. I believe in time, you will know He is real and your life will never be the same. God is still in the business of doing miracles. My life is proof of that.

In just over five months, I am celebrating my fourth year of sobriety. Wow. What an incredible ongoing miracle that I get to keep telling the world about!

To God be the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.

“God places lonely people in families.” Psalm 68:6 (GW)

Debbie B. 4 Comments

Family

I read that Psalm recently and it gave me peace and an extra boost of hope. Then I found this photo. There’s something about it that makes me smile, gives me more hope, makes me feel a tiny bit lonely, and maybe a little bit sad all at the same time. I’ve written about loneliness before. It’s not an easy subject for me to write about. I don’t like to admit to people that I get lonely. But I am human. Unfortunately, I made choices in life that led me to my late forties without a family of my own. And…well, it can bring me down once in a while.  It also makes me dream what seems to be an impossible dream. Is there anybody else out there who finds that they too are dreaming impossible dreams and perhaps wanting to give up on them? Sometimes I honestly do want to give up. I don’t know about you, but impossible dreams can really make my heart ache. However, I am grateful to know that without a doubt, that what is impossible for me is very possible for God. Knowing that keeps me holding on and hoping in Christ, one day at a time.

I like a true story. Especially when I can relate to it. Here’s one that someone out there might relate to. At least I hope there is, it would be nice to know that I’m not alone. There was a young woman who was so excited to be expecting her first child. So many friends and relatives had started their own families and although she was very happy for them, she felt empty and out of place because she was one of the very few left who was still single and childless. Finally, it was her turn and she had never felt this kind of joy before. Being a mom was something she had been longing for, although she never told anybody about it. It didn’t bother her that she wasn’t married. She had convinced herself that she never wanted to get married so it wasn’t even a thought. The excitement was building. She could hardly wait for the baby shower. She saw herself opening all kinds of wonderful gifts for her baby. For the longest time, she had watched others do it. Now it was her turn—a dream come true. There was so much planning to do. It was the best moment of her entire life. You see, for years she had walked around discouraged from being abandoned by one of her parents. She became depressed, and even suicidal. She felt she was worthless and that her life really wasn’t worth living anymore. That is, until this moment came and she said to herself: “Finally, someone to love of my own. Someone to take care of. I will never stop loving or abandon this child. This is a wonderful reason to be alive.”

Then something happened… she woke up. Yes! It was only a dream! The feeling of disappointment and the complete emptiness and brokenness immediately came back, but much worse than before. The hole in her heart got even deeper and she would spend many more nights crying herself to sleep while wondering “When will the pain ever end?”

I’ve shared a lot of stories from the heart on this blog. Most of them turned out to be about me. Well, let’s add this one to the list. That dreamer was me. It was before the depression became severe and before I became a true alcoholic. Today at the age of 47, the desires of my heart have changed quite a bit. I am very thankful for that. I consider myself too old to start a family now anyway. I know it would not be a good idea for me to try to have a baby of my own and be a single mom. It’s just not something I could realistically do at this point in my life.

The desire that I do have in my heart today I consider an impossible dream. I’ve gone from wanting to have children to wanting to just be a grandmother. May sound funny, but it’s true. Actually, the whole dream is to have a family that loves the Lord as much as I do and wants to serve Him together as much as I do. That would be an amazing dream come true. I always think of the scripture verse, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Right now, I can only say “As for me and…me.” 🙂 I’m really glad I can smile as I write this now. I’ve had some recent breakthroughs with pain I was still carrying. I’m grateful to be doing much better (the Lord always comes to my rescue). Not too long ago, I was in tears thinking about how I got myself here. Anyway, if becoming a grandmother is not an impossible dream, I don’t know what is! I don’t have a husband, I don’t have kids…grandkids are an impossible dream. For a long while now, I have asked for the Lord to take this desire away if it is not of Him. So far nothing has happened either way. When I mentioned that I’ve asked God to take the desire away and He hasn’t to my pastor, she told me that since He hasn’t taken it away that I could start praying for Him to fulfill it! She told me that God is never late and He never teases. She told me to believe. Thank you pastor, I do believe! I’ve got a great pastor. She always has great words of encouragement for me. After a long time of the desire not going away, it didn’t occur to me to pray for God to fulfill the desire. I was honestly too busy seeing the impossible.  How can I forget that God always makes the impossible possible when it is something that He needs to happen to accomplish His plan. He’s proven that so many times already!

I spent years in depression, trying to drink the pain away. It is a major blessing to me now, that I wasn’t married and that I didn’t have kids while I spent all that time in that condition. I would have messed up too many lives that way. Now that I’m sober and serving the Lord with my heart, who knows what He will do. He’ll either fulfill the desire or He will take it completely away. It’s a win-win to me. I just have to wait on Him. I have a very blessed life today. When the loneliness does hit, which thankfully is not as often as it used to be, I have learned to keep reaching out to the Lord so I can get even closer to Him. He always fills that void when I keep seeking Him. He truly is enough for me. Another favorite verse of mine is Lamentations 3:25 “The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him.” So true, He is SO good to me.

I don’t know why I felt inclined to write this post. I was trying to avoid it, but I kept getting the “God nudge”. It’s taken me weeks to make sense of it and to write in a way that makes sense, I don’t even know if I am really making sense at all right now. All I can say is that this is all coming from my heart and I believe the Lord is giving me the words. I pray there’s something here that helps someone in some way. Perhaps it is someone who is feeling quite lonely—maybe someone like me who doesn’t have a spouse and/or kids. I just want to encourage you to reach for Jesus first no matter what. You will find that He is enough for you. If you’re single and have a desire to be married with kids someday and it just doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen, pray first asking the Lord to take the desire away if it is not of Him. If it doesn’t go away, then start praying for Him to fulfill it and trust that He will. It will be in His perfect timing. This goes for any desire. In the meantime, let Him fill you with His love and peace and He will take away the loneliness. I can testify to that!

Jesus says to you, “I am with you always…” Friend, He is. He really, really is. I pray that you will open your heart and feel His presence like I do.  Thanks to all who listen to my ramblings about such personal matters of the heart. It’s been good therapy for me and I find that sharing my heart and being transparent, although not easy,  really does bring wonderful blessings to my life.

May God bless you all and grant you every desire of your heart. ♥

 

How will they know what they have never heard?

Debbie B. 3 Comments

A fourteen year old gang member was shot and killed by a rival gang member. The newspaper stated there was a gun found near his body. He was obviously out to kill or be killed, and unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened. I saw a photo of him that I believe was from a couple of years prior. He had such a baby face. Even though he was living a life of crime, my heart grew heavy knowing that another young life had been lost to violence. Someone nearby called him a loser and said his mother was a loser. That was hard for me to hear. It is not my place to judge this mother for where and how she was raising her son. I know nothing about her situation. I can’t help but wonder…does this young mother know Jesus? Did anyone ever tell her about the good news of Jesus Christ? Did her son ever hear about Him? Would he have made the choice to stay out of a gang if someone took the time to share Jesus’ love with him? Questions I will never know the answers to.

I heard about a 72 year old woman who tearfully said that her life is a mess. She said that her children are tired of her and that she is even tired of herself. My eyes filled with tears when I heard that she said there is no reason for her life anymore. Like that fourteen year old, my heart also breaks for this woman. I know what it feels like to think there’s no reason to be alive anymore. The devil is such a good liar. Once again I wonder if anyone has ever shared Jesus’ love with her. Does she have any idea how much He loves her and how He wants her to have an abundant life? Nobody is too young or too old to start living that life with Him! Does she know that??

I am a follower of Jesus and I am glad that I don’t need to know all the answers. I have learned that preaching is not only for pastors and ministers. The word “preaching” used to intimidate me. It doesn’t anymore since I realized that it just means that I, as a believer, should be sharing the good news of Jesus Christ to the lost. I can do that!! I simply start out by sharing the wonderful testimony that He has given me. The Lord opens doors for me to do this and He puts the people that He wants to touch through me in my path. It takes time to learn to listen to Him.  But if I can do this, anybody can!

How many more souls like the fourteen year old will be lost if we don’t do our part? How many more people like the 72 year old woman will give up on life because they don’t know the Lord’s love? I don’t want to stand by and hope that someone else will do it. Our part is easy, we just need to open our mouths. We need to live our lives the way God’s Word tells us to and leave the rest up to God. I don’t want to be someone who is full of words and no action. I want to be a doer of God’s Word. I’m praying for more willing hearts to join me.

So think about it. How will people know what they have never heard? Can you think of someone who needs to hear about Jesus? This might be your last chance to tell them about Him and how much He loves them. I pray that you won’t let that chance slip away.

Father, in the name of Jesus, I pray that we, Your sons and daughters, speak the words of life with Your fire in our eyes to those who are lost—to those who desperately need to know that Jesus has come to set the captive free. Lord, we need the perfect words. Words that they will hear so they are drawn to You. I pray Father, that we bring glory to Your name in everything we do. Amen.