Amazing that this old blog is still alive… barely alive. It has been nearly a year and a half since I have attempted to write. Not sure exactly why it came to a halt, but for a while, I know that I simply did not have it in me. I am posting something I wrote 16 long months ago—way before COVID-19 presented its ugly self and changed everything for everyone around the world. I am not sure why I never shared it. It was the last thing I wrote until now. At times I wonder why I allow myself to be so vulnerable. I believed that it never seemed to be doing much good, and I know that I do not have what it takes to get this blog really out there, so I figured I would take a break. I just did not expect it to be so long. I wanted to quit altogether, but at the same time, I thought why give up now when I have put so much of my heart out there with the hope that someone else would be encouraged. There’s a lot of great things of God through life’s challenges to share. So here I am again giving it another try. We will see how this goes. My only hope for this blog has always been to touch a heart or two through life’s challenges.

The below writing ends with “I will keep you posted…” Hopefully this time, I will. I am pretty sure I will because amazing things have happened since. Especially during the toughest and most heartbreaking challenges. I have grown so much since this 2019 writing which I happened to find saved on my laptop today that I had completely forgotten about. I am so grateful, especially during this crazy time of uncertainty we are all in right now. I pray someone will find encouragement to keep standing and keep pressing on no matter what through the following words from my heart to yours…God Bless.

January 2019:

I think God revealed to me that I had stopped fighting. I had given in and stopped fighting for my heart. This came to me after too many nights of crying to Him not understanding how I had become so low that I began to wish for relief through death again. I felt so bad for feeling bad again.

One of my recent daily devotions was called Fighting for Mental and Emotional Health – one of the mornings was reminding me how I am not alone in the battle – many followers of Jesus battle depression and of course it gave me the examples of leaders and prophets in the Bible that battled and how God used them regardless. It also said that my faith is not broken and God is still for me and desires to walk with me to victory. Another day gave me Proverbs 4:23 (HCSB), “Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.” Mental and emotional health flows from the heart – I must stand and keep fighting for my heart! It’s so beautiful, what a daily devotion, God’s Word, and seeking Him wholeheartedly each morning can do. Praise the Lord, I am back in the fight.

So much has been flowing into my heart since this recent awakening. I learned or re-learned that I do not need to try and hide (which I think is ridiculous that I even try) my emotions from God. King David did not hide his emotions, he was honest with God and I am following his example the best I can.

I am grateful he gave us Psalm 42:5 (HCSB) “Why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise Him my Savior and my God.” I must remember this Psalm when I go through these seasons. Sometimes I feel like I can barely stand at the altar and sing in church, but when I do, WOW the presence of God fills my heart. He takes everything from me and I feel His love pour through. I am grateful that I am up there singing each Sunday. It is so true that when I worship God, I become aware of His magnificence and suddenly my circumstances pale when compared to His greatness.

Now that I am back in the practice of fighting for my heart every day, another devotion inspired me to try something I have not done before. I was to pray for God to reveal one word to me that He wants me to keep front and center of my life for the entire year of 2019. I had two words that came to mind and I was not sure at first if either of them was from God, but after daily prayer for about a week, He gave me JOY (the other word was Fight). I am to live this word out every single day this year and that has been what I have done since the 1^st. It is amazing. For the last few months of 2018, I was asking God to teach me how to enjoy this gift of life. I felt like such a loser that I have not been enjoying life. I thought that have been living out God’s Word as much as possible, but I allowed circumstances of life to get in my way of enjoying anything. I was feeling ashamed about it, but I am not feeling that way anymore. Everything that I have experienced have been some of the greatest lessons of my life!

I have been reading and meditating on Joy every day. I printed things out from Bible Study Tools and another great resource, the other day. Suddenly, Philippians 4:4-9 spoke to me so loud and clear. I printed different translations from Bible Gateway for those verses and I am reading them aloud every day. It is changing my heart! This is the year of much Joy of the Lord, and I believe it is going to change my life in an incredible way by the end of the year. I am going to keep fighting, I cannot give up!

One of the many things I printed on joy said, “Joy is a permanent possession while happiness is fleeting.” I really like that…permanent possession. It is deep, abiding, and permanent. 😊 It’s awesome reading Scripture on Joy plus finding what other sources say about joy every day is already changing my heart. I pray that I will not allow distractions to stop me from this practice. I am hooked after only four days. I think it’s going to change my life more than ever. I will keep you posted!

I hope you too, will seek the Lord’s Joy that never depends on life’s circumstances. He promises that NO ONE can ever take it away from you. Take hold of your permanent possession today!