Never ever thought I’d find myself saying: “Thank You God, for allowing me to suffer!”

This blog was not an easy thing for me to start. I don’t even think many people will see it, but I have this calling to share openly about what God has done (and still does) in my life so that maybe someone else will be helped by it. So I’ll just keep sharing and will leave the rest up to God.

The last post got me thinking a little more about the past. I am so amazed when I see how God was there protecting me even though my heart was closed to Him. They say “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle” and it’s so true. If worse things would have happened to me, there’s even a greater chance that I wouldn’t be here today.

I used to have a hard time at the beginning sharing God’s story in my life because although the depression that He delivered me from was severe, nothing super tragic happened in my life that caused it. Talking about it made me so uncomfortable. But then I realized I was wrong to keep it to myself. Not everybody goes through something tragic. There could be someone else suffering from depression from trials in life even if there’s nothing that we can call tragic. Anyway, depression is depression. It doesn’t matter how it happens, once you have it and things get darker and darker, it’s all the same to me.

Back to seeing God’s protection in the past—If God wasn’t there protecting me as a child, I would have been another victim of molestation. When my dad left (I was 16), it’s a good chance I would have gotten into drugs and alcohol (the alcohol didn’t start until I was of age), but God gave me a great mom who kept me busy and out of trouble. As an adult, while I made poor choices to drink and drive, somebody could have been hurt or killed. I could have been arrested. I would have deserved it of course. I could have lost my job working as a civilian in law enforcement (you’d think that would have straightened out my poor behavior but it didn’t–God straightened me out instead!).

It’s a miracle that none of that took place. Many poor choices in my life prior to giving it all to the Lord could have cost me so much more than it did, but God was there protecting me without me asking Him to. He allowed me to go through what I went through because He knew He would use it for good later on…well, it’s later on and I AM GRATEFUL.

I can only speak for my own life and there’s only one thing I believe explains why worse things didn’t happen to me and that is God’s sweet gift of grace! God knew I couldn’t handle more. For those that have gone through or are going through worse, only God knows why. Trust that He won’t give you more than you can handle. I would like to encourage everyone going through hard times thinking God isn’t there, to look hard. Perhaps He is and you’re just not able to see beyond the circumstances. I believe if you seek Him with your whole heart, you will find Him. Seek Him every single day. And later on, if you’re willing, He will use your trials for good and your life will never be the same!

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