“Please help me Lord…I really don’t want to die.”

I don’t remember if I cried that out to Him aloud or not. I know I at least thought it. Mostly, I remember all those nights that I prayed for Him to put me out of my misery.  When I found myself in a hospital room after what turned out to be my last night of binge drinking, I finally found hope in Christ.  I found hope at a time when life seemed so unbearably hopeless. That was my rock bottom. I realized that I really didn’t want to die like I had prayed for so many nights. All I ever really wanted was the emotional pain I had lived with for years to stop. So, with all my heart, I cried out to Jesus like I had done before.  But this time it was different. This time I surrendered my entire life to Him—all of it. I was finally ready to do what He wanted me to do. I guess most of us make that kind of decision when we think we’re on our way out. People have a hard time surrendering to Jesus. They either don’t want to surrender at all, or they only want to give some areas of their life to Him.  Not me. Not anymore. I have been given a second chance at life and I don’t intend on wasting it one more day by only living for myself.  I tried that and it didn’t work…boy did it not work. 

So for the last two plus years, my life has never been the same.   I am super excited about life! I love that I can say that and mean it from the heart. It really is a true miracle that I am here today sharing my heart for God with people I care about, but don’t even know.  That’s the kind of heart God gave me.

The Lord has given me a great purpose in life and that is to do all I can to help others find hope in Him too. It’s hard to imagine how I will be able to help, all I can really do is share what He’s done for me and do my best to live my life in a way that I pray will draw people to Him. It won’t be me doing it. It will be Him through me.  Some people are getting to witness the Lord’s work in my life in person, it’s been pretty exciting. But most people are just reading about it as I share. I realize that it is completely up to God to reach people who don’t know me. I pray somehow He touches their hearts in a way that they will want to do something to get connected to Him. I want this life with God that I am living now for others to experience too–it’s way too amazing to try to keep it to myself.  It really is the only way to live in this dark world. 

Living for God and for others has kept me from falling back into depression. It has kept me sober.  The more I serve, the more joy I have…true joy.  The kind that lasts that only God can give.  To be used by God is absolutely amazing, and I want others to see what He can do with a willing heart. Perhaps it will motivate some to do the same. I really hope it’s contagious. Imagine if it is!

God can use anybody if they are willing. Anybody out there thinking about it, what are you waiting for?  Give Him a try and watch what He does. If you do, trust me when I say that you’re going to want to fasten your seat belt!

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