Giving up on God…

Thankfully, I refuse to even consider that as an option.  I must admit that there are times when I get so tired from getting beat up spiritually, that I allow thoughts of quitting to enter my mind. However, I’m well aware of where those thoughts are coming from so I keep fighting the good fight. I think I’ll always get tempted to throw in the towel when the going gets tough, but only with God’s help will I be able to resist. There have been some pretty significant trials during this journey, especially as a newer Christian. Sometimes I feel pretty wounded by them, but I’ve learned how to hold on tight to the Lord.  I’ve learned how to let Him carry me through and strengthen me. I’ve learned how to fully trust Him.  I’m encouraged each time I make it through to the other side and how my faith continues to get stronger. Each trial or challenge that comes my way has turned out to be a wonderful opportunity to increase my faith. I am grateful for that and for learning how to look beyond the circumstances so I can keep my focus on the Lord and His will for my life. I am grateful that He has given me the eyes to see the invisible. I am beyond blessed to be surrounded by people of strong faith guiding me and encouraging me through, even in the midst of their own trials. We are all learning and growing stronger in the Lord together.  I couldn’t do this walk without them. I used to think I didn’t need anybody, boy was I wrong.  Nobody should attempt this journey alone. Of course we can’t make it without God in the lead, but we need to remember that we can’t make it without other Christians keeping us accountable and on track.  

It also helps that God reminds me very clearly, how doing my own thing didn’t work.  He reminds me of the decades of misery, how it almost came to an end, and how I almost allowed the enemy to win my soul.  Because it’s all quite fresh in my mind, it doesn’t take much to snap me out of  ungodly thoughts.  I’m thankful for that. 

In the last couple of years, God has done phenomenal things in my life.  I understand my rapid growth is not the norm.   At the beginning of this journey, my pastor even mentioned she noticed how fast I was growing and said that it meant that God has something important for me to do.  I never imagined what He’d want with me.  I couldn’t see why He chose me.  I was so inadequate, so broken.  Little did I know that the more broken we are, the more God can use us to help others.  When I first learned how to pray, God started answering prayers right away.  He gave me a heart like His. I was amazed at the willingness I had so soon to want to do His will.  Before I even knew what was happening, I found myself praying for Him to use me.  I prayed the “Thy will be done” prayer (yikes!).  I really had no clue what I was in for, but I don’t regret any of this.  Just like I’ve heard someone say, Jesus didn’t promise that following Him would be easy, but He said it would be worth it.  It’s so true.  Even as tough as it is, it has all been extremely worth it.  Especially considering where I came from.  

I finally stopped wondering why God chose me, so I finally stopped asking Him.  Now I just keep doing my best to grow and seek His will.  Turns out God does His best work through people like me (weak) and I’m grateful for the fact that I will never ever be able to take credit for anything that happens in and through me.  I always was concerned about not staying humble.  I learned I don’t have to be concerned about that any more.  I’m good with being a weak person.  But with God, I can do anything, and that’s every exciting.  His power is real and is available for anybody who wants it! 

I’m glad for the task I’ve been given to share my journey with people, I was afraid at first to open up my life to strangers. After all, it’s so personal. But I see that God wants to use it as an example for others and that is an incredible honor.  He has certainly given me the courage to do it and this is just the beginning. There’s so much more to write in this story, I’m looking forward to sharing it as it happens.

Well, to end this post, I feel God really wants to make sure people know that nobody is too broken or too weak to be used by Him.  I pray that my sharing will inspire others to allow God to use them too.  Remember that anything is possible with God, so go for it and remember to share your testimony with others!

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