That’s a thought that I had just over two years ago. I spent many nights drinking too much trying to numb the pain from my broken heart, for some reason there’s one night that I remember very well. On this particular night, I think what triggered that thought was when I happened to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I was headed to the refrigerator for another cold one. I don’t know why, but I stopped and took a long look into the reflection of what was a lost soul. I can still picture those lifeless eyes staring back at me. I hated who I had become. I didn’t blame anybody, I knew I did it to myself and I thought I’d never be able to climb out of that big black hole that I had dug for myself. I was seriously wondering how God could ever love someone who had spent just about her entire life with her back to Him—no love, no trust, no surrender. I also wondered why He didn’t let me die like I wanted to. I was certainly ready to go. I wasn’t doing anybody any good being alive. I doubted anybody would notice that I was gone (other than my mom). Yes, these are very dark thoughts. They were the enemy’s lies that I believed because I didn’t know any better back then. I didn’t know God. It’s so not easy writing about my past, but I believe the Lord brought this to my heart tonight to share.
I am so very grateful to God for saving me from those dark days. He has really done amazing things in me and through me. I have been completely transformed. No depression, no drinking…Jesus has completely healed me and set me free. And, I discovered that I AM loved, I was loved even before I knew it! It’s a love I never knew could exist. I want others to know His amazing love too.
It’s truly a miracle that I’m here sharing my heart with all of you. God is now using all that pain and suffering that I went through for good. I’ve learned that I am uniquely qualified to help others who are going through a similar experience. What a blessing it is to be used by God.
I just want people who are struggling to get to know God’s love like I do and to let Him have control—He’s patiently waiting for those hearts to surrender to Him. It’s something I will never regret doing. My only regret is not doing it much sooner.
I would like to be able to help many, but if I could just help one person find hope in Jesus through my sharing on this blog, then remembering and writing about the difficult times that I went through is more than worth it.
I’ve included a link to a song by Laura Story. It has a wonderful message about the Lord’s Perfect Peace. I pray that God speaks to some hurting hearts through my message as well as through this beautiful song. If those hearts haven’t surrendered to Him yet, I am hopeful they will soon.