Victory | Keeping Hope Alive †

.It is time to be super transparent again and share this very personal part of my journey to heaven because I think someone who is experiencing something similar needs to hear it and take heart. I think that this time my vulnerability might not be just for a fellow servant of God, but perhaps it will also help me to get past any unresolved feelings of failure and shame that I seem to experience whenever I go through spiritual darkness as I have been for several weeks. I had a dark spell last year as well and I thought that it was pretty bad, but I almost think that this year has been a little darker for some reason. I have been going through it more than I care to admit, but I am willing to be open about it if it means helping another get through theirs.

Those of us who are wholehearted servants of the Lord who have become threats to the kingdom of darkness know (should know) that we are going to be harassed and sometimes tormented by the invisible enemy. It is a given. It comes with the territory of saying yes to the call and putting our faith into action for God with no compromise. Therefore, we must remain steadfast in our faith and remember that we are not the only ones going through whatever we are going through for the Lord’s sake. Amen? To back this thought up, I am reminded of Scripture that says:

I think it is always encouraging to know that we are never alone with the difficulties that come with this amazing journey on the pathway to Heaven!

When my battle gets fierce like it has been, I try to convince myself to count it all joy because these dark patches are really “training with Jesus” in this incredible journey of spiritual growth. Many times I am successful at counting it all joy. Then like more recent times, things happen that cause me to feel ashamed because I somehow managed to allow the overwhelming negative voices take over in my head. I want to give up and disappear and I have a hard time sharing these thoughts with people who have been walking closely with me on this journey. Especially the strong leaders that God has blessed my life with. I tell myself that it is doubtful that they would understand my torment and I do not want them to think less of me. My heart knows they would not judge me nor give up on me, but my mind tells me otherwise.

These horrible thoughts have been accusing me and telling me the reason I am going through the darkness is because God has left me. The old familiar “Loser”, “You are not worthy”, “You are a screw-up”, “Just go ahead and give up already”, and “Where is your God?” They torment my mind, knock me down, and then I feel like the depression that God had already given me victory over tries to sneak its way back into my life to take me out for good. Does this kind of battle sound familiar to anyone out there? PLEASE. Tell me it is not just me!

So why am I taking the risk of sharing all of this? I do not really fully know!! But I think I am sharing because first, I hope that someone out there gets me! If not, then I cannot help but wonder if this is going to be my last vulnerable piece of writing. That probably is not going to happen since God always wins. Even so, it is so difficult not knowing if sharing this personal stuff is really of any use to anyone out there. My second reason for sharing is that I want to share what I feel the Lord has been revealing to me as I have persevered and have taken each step seeking my God all the way through the dark patch back into His light of grace. Thankfully the Light is shining bright once again. I was listening to the enemy’s lies that God had left me, but I know now for a fact that He never left because I have been faithful. I know this as truth because God’s Word is truth. And if you have been His faithful servant, He has not left you either. THE DEVIL IS A LIAR. I am going to say that as many times as I need to until my last day on this earth.

I want to share Scripture straight from God’s heart to yours that I hope will help you like it has helped me to keep pressing on. There is so much more than this to share, but these are the ones that God reminded my heart of recently and I am passing them along. You may already know these truths, I have known them for a while, yet the evil lies still got through. So I believe we all need to be reminded of God’s truths on an ongoing basis in this dark world we are passing through. Of course this long writing is not for everyone, but I pray it reaches someone who is struggling the way I have been.

Here are some things to ponder:

Do you think God has left you even though you have remained faithful to Him? Then you must know and believe the truth that He has been there all this time, because His Word tells us that He NEVER forsakes His faithful ones: “For the LORD loves the just and will not forsake His faithful ones.” (Psalm 37:28)

As a faithful servant of God you are one of His anointed. Take heart and be strong in Him for He is your refuge: “The LORD is the strength of His people, He is the saving refuge of His anointed.” (Psalm 28:8)

We all sin and we should all know that sin separates us from God. So if you feel He is not near, it is a good time to check yourself — search your heart and repent of any sin. You know what they are. If they are not obvious, ask God to help you. He will reveal sins that you may not even realize. Remember that God is quick to forgive. You cannot buy or work for His forgiveness so do not try. Just confess to Him, pour out your heart as a sacrifice to Him (I am SO grateful for this truth): “My sacrifice, O God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.” (Psalm 51:17) If you repeat the same sins over and over, you need to ask for God to help you turn away. Ask Him to remove the ungodly desires and replace them with His desires. He will! He did for me!

Want to ensure your success on this journey? “In everything you do, put God first, and He will direct you and crown your efforts with success.” (Proverbs 3:6) All we have to do is put Him first!!

And finally, ALL will go well for us if we obey God and commit ourselves wholeheartedly: “If you obey all His laws and commands, you will enjoy a long life. Listen closely…be careful to obey. Then all will go well with you…Hear O people! The LORD is our God, the LORD alone. And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength. And you must commit yourself wholeheartedly…” (Deuteronomy 6:2, 4-6)

I want to encourage you to continue to seek God and His face — seek His Word daily if you are not already. May you become as hungry for Him as I have become.

And two more for the road that I pray will never happen to you. God DOES leave people, but it does not have to be:

“But I assure you of this: If you ever forget the LORD your God and follow other gods, worshiping and bowing down to them, you will certainly be destroyed.” (Deuteronomy 8:19) Remember other gods can be anything (harmful vices, etc.) or anyone (husband, wife, children, etc.) who you put first before God. I am human too, so I know this is a great challenge. But God gives us the power and desire to do right by Him. We must want it and seek His power and desire with our whole heart. I do, I hope you do too.

“The LORD is with you when you are with Him. If you seek Him He will be found by you, but if you forsake Him, He will forsake you.” (2 Chronicles 15:2) To me, this is easy…STAY WITH THE LORD, ALWAYS!!! But even if this did happen, just return to the Lord. His Word also says that He will return to us if we return to Him. You need to search His Word to see for yourself, but here is just a few you can start with in this truth: Malachi 3:7; Zechariah 1:3; Joel 2:12; then of course there’s the wonderful parable that Jesus spoke of that you can read again starting in Luke 15:11 — an amazing picture of our Heavenly Father waiting with arms wide up for His children to return to Him. How awesome is that! I serve a wonderful God of love. The God of second chances…I wouldn’t be alive today if this were not true.

So let’s keep holding on to His promises dear faithful ones. Let’s keep on keeping on our pathway to Heaven where we will see God face to face when that great day comes. Until then, follow His ways, follow His laws, and you cannot help but lived a blessed life. Remember, this is not our home, and we are never alone. Thank You Lord Jesus!

Thanks again for all who choose to listen to my vulnerable heart for God. May God bless you richly. ♥

The year 2015 has been filled with great challenges, BUT with those challenges has come even greater victory. I just have to share my heart some more because I want to encourage others to never quit. I am so glad I did not quit.

Last Fall (2014), I was at the beginning of a medical issue that knocked me back a bit. I was very discouraged because it was not how I thought my year would end and it was definitely not how I thought 2015 would start. My challenges were starting right as I was trying to take a huge leap of faith to start up with college again after quitting over 20 years ago. I was about to become a 49 year old freshman at community college. I was not sure if I was being brave or just plain CRAZY. Someone even suggested that I wait until my medical issues were addressed before taking on the challenge of school. But instead of listening to them, I decided to listen to God. He gave me a great dream and a desire with amazing strength to just do it. So, I did. Here I am a year later and when I look back, all I can say is WOW. And, thank You, Lord!

I cannot help but think…if I had not stepped out in faith a year ago, I would never have known that I am a very good student – a straight “A” student thus far with one year and five classes behind me already. If I had not stepped out in faith to get offline and get back on campus, I never would have had the chance to sow some seeds for Jesus into those young hearts starting out in life that I spent four hours with each week for four months. If I had not stepped out in faith, I never would have experienced God’s amazing power in me to keep up with a full-time job that drains me in addition to what seemed like a ton of challenging writing assignments. It seemed impossible, but it is so true that nothing is impossible with God.

If I had not taken God for His Word, stayed in His Word, and claimed His Word every single day over my life, I would not have been able to silence the accuser (the devil) who was really good at convincing me that I was too old and not very smart. That I was still worthless and that I will never change. That I deserved the hard things that I was going through with doctors. And because I was not contributing enough, I was just a burden that everyone would be better off without. These thoughts were real and were very difficult to fight off. But my perseverance paid off and I have great victory over the enemy like never before.

If I had walked away from my brothers and sisters in Christ who hold me up and help me get up every time I get knocked down, I cannot imagine where I would be today. I know I would not be here writing this. I am grateful to know first hand that God gives us the strength to keep on keeping on, IF we let Him! I am grateful for my teachable spirit that keeps me pressing on.

If I had given up and quit like I had been tempted to do so many times, perhaps God would not have given me a wonderful opportunity to reach the two hearts who gave their hearts to Jesus for the first time this year! (I can still hear the angels rejoicing!!!)

If I had not proclaimed that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (even though it was hard to believe at times), if I did not get back up after every fall, if I did not learn to trust and lean on God for EVERYTHING, if I had allowed myself to go completely backward and lose all hope again and give in like I did in the past, I sure would not be here trying to encourage others not to quit.

So no matter what you are going through, no matter how hard or how impossible it seems, no matter how many people tell you “No” or “You can’t do it”, no matter how bad of a person you think you are because of past mistakes, I hope you will listen to someone who has overcome these very types of challenges. NOTHING is ever too hard for God. Nothing surprises God. No one can ever stop God from His great plan for our lives. He has a plan for every single one of us. If you make your plans His plans and keep Him first, I do not know how you cannot succeed.

Now I do not want you to think any of it will be easy, if it were easy, you would not need God. And if you do not need God, then you cannot be sure of any kind of real success. I know that I do not want to live that way. I am tired of living that way. I lived that way for too long and life was harder than it should have been. So now that I have learned many things the incredibly hard and painful way, I live to encourage others to seek God wholeheartedly and ask Him for the desires of HIS heart. He will give them to you. Trust me, they are much better than our own desires. And when He does give them to you, be ready to start the best days of your life.

So be encouraged! Dare to dream dreams big enough for God to fit in. Make every effort to stay out of His way (you can avoid that if you stop trying to do His job – stop trying to be in control) and fasten your seatbelt. Just sayin’!!

God loves you and He’s waiting to hear from you. He wants to do great things in your life, but you have to get out of His way so He can do an amazing work in you. Are you ready? Just do it!

The below photo is of me a couple of months ago. I am sure I was the oldest freshman in the college library at the time (and probably most of the time). I am smiling because I really can do all things through Christ who strengthens me — I ended the class with an A+ — First time ever in my entire life as a student! So see what I mean? Dare to dream with God and never give up!