Category Sobriety

So I am 49, tired, and a freshman at community college. Am I crazy???

Debbie B. 2 Comments

Why yes, I believe I am. Well, I mean that I am crazy for the God of my life. ♥ In January 2015, I took a leap of faith and started taking courses that I had quit on in the early 1990s when life became too hard and the depression and the alcohol abuse took over. God rescued me from the depression and drinking and now I have this incredible passion to walk with others suffering from things that I did for years. I am not sure exactly where God may be leading me, but I felt led to major in Psychology. I always regretted quitting school when I did, but I never felt smart enough to continue on. And not having money made it easy to forget about it. Now at this age, with a full-time job that drains me, the educational journey for me is HARD. I had to overcome the lies that I was too old to get started again. I had to overcome the lies that I wasn’t smart enough. I am truly an overcomer! I am grateful to God for that. I am grateful for my pastor and so many people who cheer me on. I heard this year that a 99 year old woman received the AA that she had longed for all her life. That really did encourage me. I am glad I am starting this at 49. There is much hope that I will continue on and get my Bachelor’s degree and I hope and pray that it will be way before I turn 99. 🙂 I am learning not to worry so much about the time. Like everything else on this journey, it’s one day at a time with God leading the way. I can’t lose when He’s leading.

The more I put my trust in God and depend on Him to get me through, the more incredible and blessed this journey gets. I was never a good student back then, but I am a good student now. I am getting grades I was never able to get before. I am in awe of what God is doing. He gets all the credit because I know there is no way I can do any of this without Him.

I hope this part of the story that God is writing into my life will encourage and inspire someone who has been hesitating to get started with something great because they think they are too old or not smart enough. Do not believe the lies. I am going to throw out that old familiar Bible verse that people throw out all the time because if you believe it with your heart, and you are aligned with God’s will for your life, it is SO true. Matthew 19:26 says that with God, ALL things are possible. I hope you believe it, I sure do. He is making the impossible very possible in my own life. I am always so in awe of how the Lord moves in the lives of those who believe and put their faith into action.

When God first made Himself real to me, He planted a strong desire in my heart to serve Him in ministry for the rest of my life. I thought being single with no kids made me a perfect candidate to become a missionary and travel to other places and minister to the lost. My first experience was in 2011 when I went with my church to help build loft homes for the homeless in Mexico. I was hooked. It didn’t matter that I couldn’t speak Spanish. God’s love did all the talking. It was amazing. When the chance came to do it again, I was there! I remember being nervous the first time not knowing what to expect and very nervous at the thought of staying where there was no electricity or running water, but it turned out to be the start of something amazing in my new life. I was such a baby Christian then and I’ve grown so much since. I am grateful that my passion to reach the lost continues to grow stronger than ever.  I thought for sure that the experience of getting my feet wet on a small scale like that would lead me to a much bigger call in missions, but the call never came. At least, not the call I was expecting.

For a while, I have longed to work in a Christian environment but it hasn’t been the right time. A few years ago when my walk with the Lord was so new, I thought it was time get out of my secular job and look for something in ministry. But after some wise counsel and much prayer, God opened my eyes and showed me that I was right where He wants me. I had no idea back then that a mission field could be right where you are. God provides many “ministry moments” for me at work and for that I am grateful. I believe He has a plan to move me to somewhere else in the future. I don’t think He would have nudged me back to school if He didn’t. So I can be glad that I am still where I need to be and He is providing what I need through it. I couldn’t go back to school without a steady job that pays the rent.

Since I do not work in an environment like a church or other type of non-profit where I would be surrounded by hearts for God like mine, I really had it on my heart to at least pursue my educational goals in that type of environment in a Christian college. I LOVE to be in fellowship with other Christians. I love being in places where God is in the center of EVERYTHING. Places where we can openly praise, pray, and share God stories. I am just drawn to that kind of environment every chance I get. But I realized something huge today. I think God is showing me something that took me a while to get but I’m glad I’m finally getting it (I’m sure He is too!). The Lord showed me that the longing I have had to be in a Christian College is not where He wants me right now. I had a question enter my heart just a bit ago and I know it was from the Lord. He said, “Debbie, how do you think you are going to reach the lost if you are in the comfortable surroundings of people who are not lost? I need you in the midst of people who are hurting and have not reached out for Me yet.” Wow. I can see now that the community college is my mission field “for such a time as this” and it no longer matters to me for how long. Perhaps I will get to attend a Christian school later on. We’ll see. In the meantime, I can reach a ton of people for God between now and the age of 99! 😀

God is going to bring many ministry moments my way on this educational journey, I can just sense it. And as far as my longing to be surrounded by fellow Christians, He reminded me how He has blessed me with my chosen family at Hope Center as well as other brothers and sisters He continues to strategically place on my journey to heaven. I couldn’t be more blessed and more surrounded by loving Christians with amazing hearts for Him. What was I thinking? I believe I was seeing things from my own perspective and not even thinking about His. I had a desire, it was a good and godly one, but it doesn’t seem that it was coming from Him like I thought. As usual, His desire for me is even better than I could ever imagine.

I love dreaming dreams that only my God can make come true. What a life this is. A redeemed life now filled with so much love, hope, miracles, breakthroughs, and God-sized dreams that cannot fail because He is guiding and providing. I will stumble now and then, but He never lets me go or allows me to get too far off course.

Thanks for listening to my overflowing heart. I pray that if you are hesitating to do something  for God that you still see as impossible, that you will stop listening to the lies and let God take over so He can take you to places you never dreamed of. You won’t be sorry. Time is going to go by anyway, right? So just go for it. I am so glad I am going for it and I know you will be too. God bless!

Glory to You, LORD. Thank You for choosing me and giving me the courage and strength to keep saying yes so You can keep making impossible dreams come true! ♥♥♥

Dear Christian, before you speak openly on controversial issues… (Some observations and thoughts from a young Christian perspective on the Same-Sex Marriage Controversy)

Debbie B. 1 Comment

FAITH, LOVE, HOPE

So my extremely vulnerable and “young” Christian heart has been struggling with this issue for a few days so I prayed and prayed and finally mustered up enough courage to write this post. I am troubled by my observations of how some Christians publicly voiced their stance by only quoting Scripture (throwing Bibles seemed more like it) at people that they do not agree with. Where’s the love? I just want to say, PLEASE STOP. I thought we are supposed to draw hearts near to God, not turn them away.

I am not one to join in on public forums regarding controversial issues. I have not participated in the explosion on my Facebook newsfeed over the last few days caused by the latest Supreme Court decision, but I am troubled by what I have been seeing. Perhaps I should not have said the above comment about throwing Bibles, but I did not know a better way to describe how Scripture quoting has been coming across to me.

I want to make it clear that this is not meant to point fingers at anyone in particular or make anyone feel bad, but it is my hope that it will make some people think about how their words may cause more harm than good. Christians get accused all the time of being judgmental and I was sad to see it happening on public forums this past weekend. Whether or not it was intentional, that is how it came across to me. I see people zealous for God and following His commandments and wanting to take a stance publicly on issues like this one, but God does not need for us to defend Him. We should be careful with how we share His Gospel. “Showing” people is way more powerful than “telling” people. When we speak, I think we need to put forth a big effort to do it in a way that is not going to make the people we think we’re helping shut down and turn away. As a growing Christian I want to be extremely careful with that so it is why I choose not to participate publicly in controversial issues. I know I have had my own moments during my walk, but I have grown so much and I continue to learn from my mistakes and work daily asking God to help me to be better. I want to please God. I want to draw people near to Him, not push them further away.

I will not encourage people to do what the Bible tells me is sinning against God, but if I am going to speak about an issue like this, I would much rather speak on a private level — face-to-face — IF  a door of opportunity opened up for me to do so. And if I am going to use Scripture, I am going to use it in a way that will explain not just the part I am quoting, but the surrounding Scripture as well. I want to speak in a loving manner. I will share why I believe what I believe — I will be vulnerable and share my own personal testimony…the good and the bad. It does no one any good to just quote Scripture and not explain it and it does no one any good if the Spirit of God is not leading. From what I’ve seen publicly, there have been many words void of God’s love. And the words I have read have not been Spirit-led comments — only opinions that unfortunately have been tearing people down. Scripture is powerful for prayer and fighting the war that is going on in the spiritual realm. It brings comfort, healing, and protection to us, it helps us learn to live godly and holy lives the way God intended. It speaks and breathes life into our hearts — it is God’s living Word. But lately, the use of His Word in some instances has not been loving and it breaks my heart. Yes, we should know our Scripture. There is nothing wrong with quoting it, but we need to make sure we are doing it properly. And I must add that we should not just know our Scripture, we must also make sure we are living it.

I have not been a Christian for very long and I soak up everything like a sponge. It is troubling to observe Christians throwing Scripture verses at people, especially when I can sense the emptiness of God’s love within it, even if that wasn’t the intention. Since I was seeing much of it happening this past weekend, I took a step back and put myself on the “receiving” end of it. I took myself back to where I used to be not too long ago which was a life full of sin and completely separated from God. I was unrepentant, hopeless, depressed, suicidal, and drunk. I highly doubt I would have surrendered my life to God had someone been there quoting Scripture that meant nothing to me and condemning me to hell without showing me how wonderful and loving our God really is. There’s no way that would have drawn me to give up my life completely for Him.

Maybe I am being too childlike, but this kid in me thinks it would be much better if we focused more on living His Word, rather than quoting it. That is what I am going to do the best I possibly can and I will keep leaving the rest up to God. If He wants me to open my mouth to someone with Scripture, He will make it happen and it will be filled with His Light and Love and it will be at the perfect time — His time. I cannot do that on my own.

When God reached my heart in 2010, He took away my desires that were not pleasing to Him and gave me desires that would bring Him glory. My life has never been the same. It has never been more blessed as a result and I have never been more grateful to be sober and alive and learning to live a sacrificial life. It is not an easy life, but it is a beyond blessed one. It is my hope and prayer that God will use more of us to draw people’s hearts to Him, but it is hard for Him to do if we keep getting in His way. I trust and believe that He will do for those who surrender to Him what He has done for me and I am going to keep hoping and praying and doing all He equips me to do to help draw hearts to Him for as long as He allows me to.

I am sharing this, not to bring anybody down, but just to give people something to think about before speaking. Remember, if we can speak, have power and understanding, and have mountain moving faith but have not love, we are nothing.

Thanks for listening to my heart – a once empty heart now filled with Faith, Hope and Love, and a heart that just wants EVERYONE to know the incredible and everlasting Love of God the Father. I pray that by living out God’s Word, that more will see and have the desire planted in their heart to tap into His power to change as a result. I pray that more will know His love through my life and the lives of others transformed by God. That’s what happened to me. People showed me His love. That drew me in. Then God and his anointed teachers taught me the rest as far as how I should live and it was all through LOVE. And now, I just want to give it all away…

Lord God, in the Name of Jesus, I ask that you would please do for many more, what you have done and continue to do for me. Amen. ❤

***This post is not meant to spark up any kind of debate from either side of the issue – harsh comments that tear people down will not be allowed. I will only approve comments that lift people up.  What can I say…God’s blog, God’s rules 🙂 ***

Where’s God when I’m hurting? (Hard lessons learned while desperately seeking God through the pain…)

Debbie B. Leave a comment

I learn things the hard way many times and because I have a call on my life to share my heart no matter how uncomfortable being vulnerable is, here I go again…I was listening to “Your Presence Is Heaven To Me” by Israel Houghton. It’s a great song. It made me think about the rough patch that I’ve been in the middle of and how I’ve been desperate for the Lord’s presence and have not felt Him much lately. I know the truth. One of His greatest promises is that He will never leave nor forsake us and I’ve been holding on to that, but the struggle has continued anyway. The enemy loves when I struggle for a good amount of time because he knows I grow tired. That’s his perfect opportunity to get through with his lies: “God isn’t with you” or “You are no good”, or “God is no longer pleased with you”, things like that. They are horrible thoughts and are flat out lies — THE DEVIL IS A LIAR. But when your challenges linger on and seem like they’ll never end, it’s hard not to start doubting that God is near. I’ve become a strong woman of God, but even I have moments of wondering if He’s mad and has walked away from me. What can I say…I’m only human.

I’ve had a very difficult time feeling my feelings now that I live a sober life. Feelings are the worst part of my sobriety, but thankfully I don’t dread them enough to throw my life away again. I’m super grateful that I don’t make things worse by trading out my old addiction (alcohol) for something else that could numb me out. Those days are long gone. Suffering with God wins over suffering without Him every time and it amazes me that not everybody chooses to live that way. There are times when I really need to feel God, but can’t. And what I don’t want to feel (like way too many emotions), I feel. It’s been a tough battle lately but I’m finally winning this latest one. I am grateful that each time this happens and I persevere, the Lord continues to turn my battles into blessings. He’ll do that for anyone who puts their entire life in His hands.

I’m learning so much through my journey with my Lord Jesus. Every trial I’ve been through has prepared me for the next one. Each one has been tougher than the last. But if I hadn’t gone through what I’ve gone through in the last couple of years, I don’t think I’d still be standing right now. And because I was taught early on in my journey to surround myself with godly people (those I consider my human angels sent to me from God Himself), I am able to remain steadfast. There’s no way I’d ever make it without them. (You all know who you are and I am incredibly grateful for every single one of you.) Nobody should ever try to walk this walk alone. Not ever.

I think God just showed me today that the reason I haven’t been able to feel Him lately is because a barrier had come between me and Him. He’s been there all along, just as He has promised, but the barrier became too much for me to be able to sense Him. I think He wants me to share that the barrier came because I allowed worry, fear, and doubt (just to name a few) to enter my heart. No wonder why the presence of God was suddenly being blocked as well as His peace, and all the other great things He wants to bless me with. He also showed me that through this whole time I’ve been seeking His presence and was thinking He wasn’t anywhere near, that He was really there through all the people He moved to reach out to me through phone calls, text messages, emails, hugs, etc. So many words of encouragement and prayer have reached my heart reminding me that I am good, I am loved, and God is with me. Even the prayers that I wasn’t aware of have reached and have blessed me. Wow. His presence through His people and I was missing it! Not anymore. My eyes and heart have been opened once again and God’s mighty and powerful hand is on me helping me to break the barriers. I’m sooooooo grateful.

I make a lot of mistakes on this journey that cause me to fall, but I’m learning through each of them. I keep getting up and dusting myself off and with God’s help I keep pressing forward no matter how hard it gets. I hope that someone else going through a rough patch who’s thinking that God has forsaken them will read this and think again. I want to encourage you to seek God’s help to recognize and break down any barriers that may be from worry, fear, or any other weapon of distraction by the enemy — it only takes a tiny bit. We need to keep trusting in God even when we can’t feel Him. God’s Word is Truth, it’s not about feelings. That is a hard lesson that I have had to learn over and over again, but I think I’m finally catching on. I’ll always be a work in progress, but at least I’m headed in the right direction. And even though my challenge isn’t over yet, I’m choosing to believe that it will be coming to an end soon for I know God is going to get me to the other side of it because He’s not finished with me yet.

I have all kinds of words of God pouring from my heart right now but I think this is what He wants me to share at this very moment for someone out there going through a tough time — this one is helping me a great deal: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…” (Isaiah 43:1-3) Wow. That is a powerful and comforting Word from God. Can I get an AMEN?

“Lord Jesus, Your Presence really is heaven to me and I pray it is to many, many more. Please help us to see and break down the barriers that are blocking Your amazing blessings from pouring in. Thank You, Lord!”

May God bless you through this heartfelt message (that wasn’t so easy to write). 🙂

When I found Hope in the midst of my darkest day…

Debbie B. Leave a comment

Many people are struggling with depression, loneliness, emptiness, and other difficult situations that bring heaviness to the heart — especially during the holiday season. It’s a sad truth. I’m so amazed by it because when I was there, I could swear it was just me. Now I can see that it affects so many different people in so many different circumstances. More than I ever could have imagined. It breaks my heart to see others suffer. I know the pain. I still deal with the occasional blues and occasional loneliness, but I’m so thankful that it’s nothing like it used to be. When I was deep in the middle of it, I really did believe that no one else could ever understand my pain so I hid it for as long as I could. I was convinced that something was very wrong with me and it would not be a good idea to let anybody know about it. It was a lie that I believed.

So here were are again. It’s Christmas time, and for most it’s the most wonderful time of year, right? (Darn, now I can hear that song starting to play in my head…) Unfortunately, for many it’s not. So at the risk of being called “Debbie Downer” by those who don’t get what it’s like to be like me and so many others, I thought this was a good time to share some more heartfelt words with the hope that a struggling heart will find THE Hope, the only Hope that can shine light in our darkness. It’s the only Hope that saves lives, and it’s the very Hope that saved my life.

We’re all different, but not so much once we reach a state of darkness. My darkness was depression and isolation. It doesn’t really matter how each of us get there, once we get there, I think we can relate to each other whether we go through similar situations or not. So I’m just wondering…when someone tears a hole in your heart, what do you do? How many times do you allow it to happen? How do you react to it? For me, when I was a very lost soul with no self-worth or self-esteem, I would let it happen to me too many times. It took a few people to cause significant damage to my heart – the destruction of my soul. My dad leaving me at the age of 16 seemed to be the beginning of the end. That messed me up so much, the rest happened because I allowed it to. I wasn’t strong enough to fight it. I didn’t care enough about myself. I figured I didn’t deserve any better. I was a loser. There were so many hurts and tears in my heart I ended up with one giant hole. I was completely empty. I finally decided to put a wall up to protect my heart and keep people at a safe distance. I believed that if I did that, then no one would be able to hurt me ever again. I walked around like that for many years. One of the problems with that is that I didn’t do anything about the giant hole prior to putting up the wall. That was the worst thing I could have ever done. I needed healing and I didn’t get it. It caused many years of depression, isolation, and alcohol abuse to numb the pain as much as possible. The wall was not only keeping people out, it was keeping God out — complete separation from the only One who could ever rescue me from my darkness. I wonder how many reading this might be doing this very thing right now. I hope my personal testimony will speak to you and help you to realize the extra damage being done so that you can stop doing what I did and do something about it. It’s not too late.

I remember my old days of severe depression quite well. After all, it wasn’t that long ago when God made Himself real to me and delivered me from what I believe was a very slow and painful death. I remember the suffocating darkness and how alone I was for such a long time. I can’t blame anybody but myself. I made the choice to be a loner because I was too ashamed and maybe too proud to tell anyone I was hurting and needed help. And the longer I spent my days that way, the more convinced I became that there was absolutely no way out. The bottles — beer, wine, Malibu Rum…whatever…all became my companion. They all became my medicine. The only thing I knew to do was drink the pain away. Of course, that made things much worse. The more I drank, the more I needed to drink to keep the temporary peace going. Eventually, there was no peace at all. I drank more because it turned into a mission to kill myself. It was a losing battle from the very beginning. But when your soul is as lost as mine was, there’s nothing else. I’m sure the devil was thrilled that I believed that back then. The deeper I got into it, the less chance I had of reaching the only One who could save me – that was another lie from the devil that I truly believed when I was in a battle for my life. I wish I knew more about Jesus Christ when I was younger. I knew of Him, but I had no clue that He could save me in today’s world. I thought He was just a part of history. How sad is that. Well, it turns out that it didn’t matter how deep I was or for how long I was in the darkness, all I needed to do was cry out to Jesus. It took a rock bottom incident to make that happen (I’ve shared about it in earlier posts), but the only regret I have is not reaching rock bottom sooner than I did.

Sounds weird to say that doesn’t it – who really wants to get to rock bottom? Not anybody I know. But rock bottom is where I met Jesus for the first time in my entire life. It’s where I found out that He was real and had been waiting for me there. He’d been waiting because He knew it was going to be the only way. I was not going to be able to change my destructive way of living on my own. He knew it. I knew it. I have no reason to be in denial about it.

Even though some amazing miracles and breakthroughs started happening after surrendering my heart and giving up control of my life to Jesus at rock bottom, I used to think that I wanted to help people avoid rock bottom. There are different levels of it. Mine was significant for me, but it wasn’t as bad as others I’ve heard about. I honestly thought that helping others avoid it would be a good thing to do. But as I continue to grow stronger in my faith and in my sobriety — the more I am blessed to witness and experience miracle after miracle, I am seeing that people are not becoming as desperate as they need to be. It’s sad to see because at least for me, the choices I continued to make were very poor ones and I was living in absolute hell. I’ve been set free and I am so not enjoying watching others continue on that path. It literally breaks my heart. I’m grateful I surrendered! My way wasn’t working! I hope someone can see through this story that their own way is most likely not working for them either.

It took full surrender to God in order for Him to reach down and pull me out of the pit to save me. Surrender takes a huge daily effort on our part. We need to surrender every day. We’re human. It doesn’t come easy. We’ll never be perfect at it, but we can try every day and it really is doable. God sees the effort. I’ve been doing it (not perfectly) 24/7 since 2010 now. Life has been amazing. I’m ALIVE and more than well. I believe through my own experience that if we want to activate the hand of God in our lives, we need to give it all to Him. ALL OF IT.

We really, REALLY have to want to be made well. More than anything. And we have to be an active participant. That means a lot of hard and many times painful growing doing things we don’t want to do. It means losing things we are having a hard time letting go of. I know this because it’s what I had to do to get better. And, I am truly better today. I’ve been delivered from the severe depression, the isolation, the shame, the unforgiveness, the bitterness, the hurt, the abusive relationship, the alcohol abuse, you name it. I’ve been delivered from everything that was holding me back and being used to destroy my soul.

I have no regrets for my challenging new life. I see how God is using all the hard stuff for good. I have an incredible testimony that He has given me and I wouldn’t have it if I hadn’t gone through everything I’ve gone through. He has given me a divine purpose in life. A true reason to live. My desire is to be open and painfully vulnerable in sharing my story to help others. It’s hard to be vulnerable, it really can be painful and uncomfortable, but it’s worth it to me. I can’t keep the great things of God to myself. People need to know that He can help them too.

In just two months I’ll be celebrating five years of sobriety! That is such an incredible miracle in my life considering how I tried so many times to quit under my own power. I had suffered relapse after relapse. I abused alcohol for over 20 years. Once I reached rock bottom, God gave me the desire to seek Him with my whole heart. He gave me the power to quit drinking and the power to change everything about me. He took away the depression and the suicidal thoughts. I have not relapsed. I haven’t even come close — not one time. My sobriety is just one amazing ongoing miracle in my life. I have so much to write about, so many great things of God in my life to share, but this is it for now.

So that’s my story about when I was finally able to find Hope in the midst of my darkest day. It was life saving Hope — Jesus — my Rock at the bottom. It’s a day I will never ever regret. If you are where I used to be, I pray you will find Jesus waiting for you today. Whether we admit it or not, we are desperate people. That’s a good thing. So I want to encourage you to turn your desperation toward Jesus. And when you do, you will be starting a new and amazing journey upward.

I heard an encouraging message from my pastor this past Sunday and the theme of the message that I want to share with you is this: “Just when you thought all hope was gone — God sends a Savior” I thought my hope was gone. I thought it was too late for me, but my Savior came right on time. I believe your Savior will be right on time too. Actually He’s already there, He’s just waiting for you to call to Him with your whole heart.

Jesus is our only HOPE – the only Hope that never disappoints. May you also find His Hope — The Light — in your darkest days. God bless you and Merry Christmas.

Jesus said “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12)

Advent

I am a Recovering Alcoholic — Maybe I do want the chance to talk about it…

Debbie B. Leave a comment

My women’s Bible study group just finished the book of Proverbs. Since I’ve been on my sobriety journey with God for 4 years, 6 months, 19 days, and…sorry, I’ll stop there. I can’t help it. It’s just that I am beyond grateful for my life. Every day of sobriety means so much to me. Every day I am sober is a miracle from God since I had been drinking my life away for over 20 years and did not have the power to stop on my own.

Anyway, I am so amazed at how I’m noticing more and more the Scripture that speaks about the importance of being sober. It has never stood out so much to me until recently. I didn’t count the verses, but there were plenty that stood out in Proverbs alone. When we were touching on Chapter 20, the leader for that evening assumed it would be awkward or difficult for me to discuss the first verse so she was about to just pass over it. I have to say I was a little disappointed because earlier in the day I had done some studying on it and actually wanted to talk about it from my own experience. Thankfully, my pastor who knows me and my story very well didn’t let the moment pass me by. She wanted to hear what I had to say about that verse, so I am really grateful that I was given a chance to share. You know, it’s such a wonderful thing — the work that God is doing in me. I’ve gone from not wanting to talk about it, to maybe I should talk about it, to hey I think I REALLY NEED AND WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT! Wow, only God…

So here’s Proverbs 20:1 from God’s Word Translation — “Wine makes people mock, liquor makes them noisy, and everyone under the influence is unwise.”  It seems that many think that one of the worse problems in our society today is the abuse of alcohol. I believe the abuse of alcohol is a symptom of a much greater problem. I’m speaking from my own experience. My greater problem was severe depression and tormenting thoughts of suicide. When I didn’t know God at all and didn’t know He was real, alcohol was my only way to get some relief. It was my medicine to relieve the pain. It was the poison that I was using to kill myself. But thank You Lord that today I don’t need it! I have absolutely no desire to drink, and the severe depression and suicidal thoughts are gone. I no longer need alcohol or anything else to numb myself out or to run away from reality. Years of doing that got me deeper and deeper into the pit of hell. That’s what alcohol and drugs do to us, I can see it clearly now. It’s pure evil. It separates us from God. It’s temporary peace that we receive from the devil. It’s the only way he can bring us peace. But I thank Jesus Christ, my Prince of Peace that I no longer reach for anything that only brings a quick and temporary fix. Instead, I reach for my Lord for His everlasting Peace. Every single time. It’s difficult to do, but I allow myself to feel my feelings and pain. By doing that, God not only helped me to overcome my addiction and depression, He has healed my hurting soul from the deep wounds that I had covered up all these years. My journey isn’t easy. I still deal with hurts and pain. I go through a lot of challenges that I now know are opportunities to grow closer to God. One of the greatest things I have learned to do is not to keep it to myself and bury it. No more isolating. I don’t want to ever go back to that dark place, so I’m learning to keep showing up no matter what, and to open my mouth more and talk about the hard stuff. I allow myself to cry if I have to. I’m grateful for the love that surrounds me in my church and in Celebrate Recovery that allows me to do this.

So I just want to close and say to those who can’t really relate to people like me, please don’t assume that all alcohol and drug addicts don’t want to talk about it. Yes, you’ll come across many who won’t be willing to open up, but give us a chance anyway. You never know. You may be surprised at what you hear from those of us who ARE willing. You may even be blessed by it.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for this post. Thanks for listening to my heart. God is amazing. He’s the God of miracles and breakthroughs and I can’t wait to keep writing and speaking more about His awesomeness in my life.