Category Love

Learning to live a sober life…

Debbie B. 7 Comments

It sure is not an easy thing to just be starting in my forties.  It’s hard learning to live when you spend a lot of time alone. It’s hard to break away from being a loner.  That’s all I’ve known for too many years of avoiding people.  I got very used to keeping to myself.  I am a true introvert.  And what makes it worse, a shy one.

I have a real difficult time in social gatherings.  I spent this past Sunday at a park for a picnic with my church. It was a beautiful day.  I got some practice photography in and managed to capture a few good shots that showed some beautiful hearts for God.  It was a blessed time of fellowship.  However, it was not easy for me to be there at first. I don’t think most people would have been able to guess that the morning was a rough start for me.  I felt so anxious I was thinking that maybe I wouldn’t go. But, I really love these people so I knew I had to just deal with it. I’m glad I did of course because in time I was fine.  It’s so interesting to me that I’m okay with the same people when we do outreaches.  Even though I get nervous, it’s completely different.  It must be the servant heart that the Lord has given me.  I really do have a passion to serve Him and to reach others for Him.  I’m sure in time I’ll overcome this social challenge with His help.

I’ve never been comfortable socially in large groups.  Put me in a large group for a work meeting and have me speak in front of all of them about things I know, no problem.  But put me with that same group to just be social?  That’s definitely a problem.  What used to get me through those situations was drinking.  Not only was alcohol my medicine to numb the pain of depression, it was also my liquid courage.  I wasn’t so shy when I drank.  Drinking calmed my nerves and made me comfortable in my own skin.

I thank God that I am no longer tempted to drink, but I make sure I don’t put myself in situations that may cause me to slip up.  Even though I’m much stronger now, I can see how easy it would be. All it would take is just one sip to destroy everything that God has done. There’s just too much to lose to take that kind of chance so if I’m invited to an event where there’s going to be alcohol, I usually turn it down.  If I do go, it’s not for long.  I just simply prefer not to be around it if I can help it.  Some people understand, and some people don’t. I can’t worry about that. I have to do whatever it takes to make sure I stay sober.

Doing things like that are great but I don’t think it’s enough.  One of the greatest things I’ve learned to do is to build a team of godly people to help me stay accountable.  God has blessed me with an incredible team.  They sure inspire me to keep pressing forward and they keep me out of trouble.  I love spending time with them.

It’s been a little over two years, but I’m barely getting started on this new life the Lord has given me.  While I was writing this, I realized I never really learned how to live before sobriety.  I was too depressed and intoxicated to live. I can see that this is going to take a bit of time.

Well, I just felt like I needed to share what’s on my heart tonight. Maybe someone out there can relate to this.  I will just keep doing what I’m doing…holding on to hope and holding on to God one step at a time, one day at a time, and praise Him for victory!

“You can’t run away from yourself…”

Debbie B. 6 Comments

A dear sister friend told me that (or something like it) when I told her I felt like running away.  Those words woke me up. I was feeling super overwhelmed by the spiritual and emotional roller coaster that I’ve been on lately.  I was thinking that if I could just go somewhere else where nobody knows me there’d be less pressure to…well, I don’t even know what to tell you the truth.  Apparently, I really wasn’t thinking. I took my focus off of Jesus and got overwhelmed.  What would I really be running away from?  I’d be running away from all the good things keeping me on track, that’s all. So very glad my friend helped me to snap out of it and refocus!

I really can’t run away from myself, and I certainly can’t run away from God. There is no hiding from Him.  Not to mention that it would be such a dangerous thing for a formerly depressed alcoholic like me to do. If I were to run away to a place where nobody knows me, then I’ve lost my godly team of people keeping me accountable. There’s just too much to lose by running away. I know the enemy was hoping I’d open a door for him again, but it didn’t happen. God is keeping me strong and I’m so thankful to Him for the people He has placed in my life to help me stay the course. 

This year has been the most challenging year of my sober life. The closer I grow to God, the more I seek and serve Him, the more the enemy tries to trip me up. I was feeling pretty weak for that moment, but my friend blessed me with her words and prayer, and I continue to take one day at a time holding on tightly to the Lord—I’m still standing. I know I can’t walk this journey without my godly friends. God placed them in my life for a reason and I am grateful for every one of them. 

So for anyone out there who might be feeling overwhelmed by life and you’re thinking you’d like to run away, don’t do it.  I’ll say to you what my friend said to me…You can’t run away from yourself.  Here’s a quote from Confucius that you can think about as well: “No matter where you go, there you are.” 🙂  So you see, we might as well stay where we are and keep on pressing forward with God’s help. 

Stay strong in the Lord friends, He’ll carry you through it all if you let Him.  Make sure you have godly friends you can turn to when you’re struggling. I can’t say enough how extremely important that is.

Bless you! ♥

“You can’t do it…It can’t be done.”

Debbie B. 2 Comments

Many of us have heard those discouraging words or something like them when we’ve shared a plan or a dream with someone.  I know it’s hard to press forward when we get friends and family telling us things like that. Sometimes they mean well, sometimes they don’t.  We even have the enemy whispering words like that to us to get us to give up before we even try.  I just want to say to you, don’t listen to anybody but Jesus!

For anyone out there who is feeling discouraged and hurt by those kind of words right now, be ENCOURAGED. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do something that you have in your heart to do. If your desire is aligned with God’s will, you can’t go wrong. God’s purpose will prevail! Don’t expect that it will be easy. Just believe and trust that it IS possible with God and that He will see you through. And no matter how long it takes or how difficult it becomes, NEVER give up.

Early on in this journey, I heard something from a great preacher that I’d like to share. It goes something like this: “If anyone tells you that it can’t be done, your immediate response should be ‘Watch me! Watch me, in Jesus’ name!’”  I never forgot that, and I hope you will never forget it either.

Here’s something else you can remember when you start to feel discouraged, of course it’s just one of many: “’If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.” Mark 9:23 (NIV)

So again, be encouraged friends. Let’s keep on keeping on for God’s glory! ♥

Celebrating Father’s Day without a dad…it IS possible!

Debbie B. 2 Comments

It’s Father’s Day weekend again, and those of us who don’t have a dad to celebrate might feel that there’s no reason to celebrate.  Well, I believe there is and I’d like to share why…

The last couple of years of healing have done wonders for me, but I still feel a small sense of sadness every Father’s Day. This time of year had always been a tremendous struggle for me.  My earthly father left my life when I was sixteen years old. It was a time when I needed a father the most.  I spent many years in bitterness and sadness and eventually drunkenness because I didn’t know how else to handle it. I didn’t know my Heavenly Father for many years, so watching others enjoy their dads was always such a painful time for me.  Even though I have a wonderful mother who loved me and took good care of me, I still felt left out and unloved–I felt robbed for not having my dad.  I believe part of it was the lies coming from the enemy, but I think it was just extra difficult because I was so close to my dad when I was young. My heart felt like it was broken beyond repair. 

I am extremely grateful that I don’t feel that way any longer. My heart is completely healed thanks to Jesus. Each year gets a little better. The Lord helped me to forgive and the relationship was slowly being restored.  Unfortunately, my time with my dad was cut short when he suddenly passed away in September 2010.  I am so grateful for that short amount of time that the Lord gave us.  True forgiveness and healing came from it.  I don’t think that would have happened had I not fully opened my heart to the Lord.  I’m learning to look at what I have, not what I’ve lost. That is huge in my life. I was given back my earthly father at the perfect time, for the perfect amount of time.  I can say that because I know that God’s timing is always perfect.  My dad did not live to see my testimony of sobriety land in a book or televised on an international church service in 2010, but I know he sure would have been proud.  I have come so far on this journey and I am so glad to know that my dad had accepted Christ sometime before he died. So when I finally make it home, we will meet again. That makes my heart smile. God always gives me something to smile about.  The best part of all of this is the relationship I have developed with my Heavenly Father, everything I went through brought me to Him and that is the greatest thing that could have ever happened in my life.

Now that I do know my Heavenly Father, I am going to celebrate Him on Father’s Day and actually, I want to celebrate Him every day because He has done so much in my life.  He constantly keeps me in awe and all I can think of doing is to share what He does in my life and share His amazing love with others.  

Today, when I see fathers who are there for their children, I am so blessed by it.  I confess that part of me still may feel a little left out, but my Heavenly Father doesn’t let that feeling last for long.  I am truly happy for the sons and daughters out there who still have an earthly father in their lives, you are truly blessed.  For everyone, especially for those who never really had an earthly father in your life or for those of you whose fathers have passed on, I pray you feel the love from your Heavenly Father. I pray His love overflows in your hearts. 

So no matter what your circumstance is, please don’t forget to celebrate your Heavenly Father. I truly believe that He is our main reason to celebrate and I believe He so deserves our praises!  If you don’t know your Heavenly Father yet, maybe this is the time for you to start.  Maybe God is nudging you right now to open your heart to Him. I am praying that you do because I know that your life will never be the same!

I want to wish a very Happy Father’s Day to all of you dads out there (and to you moms who play the role of both parents),  may God bless you richly. ♥

The thought of idol worship has helped me to stay sober

Debbie B. Leave a comment

The idol worship I am speaking of is not what most would think. I don’t mean the kind like the golden calf in Exodus in the Old Testament. I remembered something I read that helped me back in 2010 so I want to share these words from this book called Power to Reinvent Yourself by Jason Frenn: “An idol can be anything we fervently pursue instead of God. An idol is something we regularly, consistently, and habitually seek that brings gratification or a high in a time of need, hurt, or anxiety.  Simply put, it is anything that replaces the Lord God Almighty in our lives.”  When I first read these words after only eight months of sobriety, my eyes were opened.  That is why I want to put this out there for others who may not realize what they’re doing.  It was no accident that God had me hear those words at a critical time in my life.  For me, it was getting that book in my hands.  Perhaps this post will be God’s way of reaching someone else at a critical moment in their life. That is my hope. Once this serious offense was brought to my attention, I was very afraid of going back and repeating it. So here I am, sober for two years and almost four months…and counting.  Thank You, God. 

I share a lot about my battle with depression and drinking because I think what I have learned from it all is worth sharing. Especially if it has a chance to help someone else open their heart to the Lord and make Him their priority in life.  The Lord delivered me from both. It was a true miracle. He has given me a heart to help those struggling like I did, no matter what it costs me.  Honestly, I have nothing to lose. My new life with the Lord is a win-win.  For that, I am eternally grateful. 

The bottle was my idol. I drank because my heart was broken and I was hurting very badly…for decades. God changed that.  For others, their idol could be food, drugs, pornography, etc.  Whatever it is, I pray they reach out to God instead.   I know there are a lot of hurting hearts out there today.  I would like to close this with a prayer that I had posted on my Facebook page not too long ago—it seems appropriate for today’s message:  

“Abba Father, there are hearts out there that need to feel Your presence at this very moment. I can feel their troubled hearts.  I know all too well what those hearts are feeling. I pray You reach down right now, wherever they are, and fill them with Your Peace! May their hearts overflow with joy that only You can provide, and may they seek You, and only You, every day and know without a doubt that You are with them always. I ask this in Jesus’ precious name. Amen.” 

Always reach for God before anything friends, He loves you deeply.  He will never forsake you. ♥