Category Depression

The Love That Never Came—A Post For Empty Hearts

Debbie B. 1 Comment

“You are not alone…” How many times have you heard someone who wants to help say those words to you and when you get home to an empty place and start the battle of a lonely and empty heart all over again, you really wish those people, who can’t possibly understand what you’re going through, would stop trying to help?

I’ve been there. I know your pain. And I’ll be honest and share with you that I still struggle with being single and childless at times, especially this time of year as we start heading into the holiday season. I get the holiday blues. It’s the most challenging part of the year for me and has been since I was 16—when my dad left me and my mom.

I haven’t written since the last post in September over a month ago. Soon after I published it, I felt like I started battling again with a little bit of depression. Funny isn’t it? I pour my heart out on this blog with the hope that others will be encouraged to reach for the Lord and then I find myself struggling again. My first reaction was to be embarrassed by it, but then I realized that I am human like everyone else. I never claimed to be perfect. I’m still working on issues from my recovery journey and I will continue to share this journey and be honest about it. I’m so thankful that I am still strong in the Lord and He continues to help me through it all, along with the most amazing family of God standing by my side. And one of the best miracles of my life is still a miracle—I am still sober and approaching my four year milestone in just four months. Praise the Lord.

So don’t be upset with those trying to help you. They wouldn’t want to help if they didn’t truly care.  Although some of them can’t really understand what being alone and/or what being lonely can be like, I have learned to appreciate them for caring, I appreciate their love. I am grateful I have learned to reach out and let them know that I am struggling. That took a while for me to let go of my pride and reach out. I didn’t want them to know I was struggling or why. Reaching out is not easy, but it has been a great lesson. The prayers have been powerful. Who doesn’t need people praying for them??!! I have so many who have been praying for me and it has been an amazing walk through this latest valley. I may have said this before in a previous post, but it’s worth repeating…the Lord always guides (more like carries) me through to the other side, every single time. And I am always better and stronger than before I started walking through it.  I could not keep up this walk without my loving family of God backing me up.  I can never tell them enough how grateful I am that they are in my life. In the past, I used to keep it all inside and that almost destroyed me…especially because I did not know the Lord at that time.

So you know what I have discovered through all of this? I really am NOT alone…EVER. Even when it feels like I am. I’ve got Jesus in my heart and the most amazing family of God holding me up. Anytime I hear those words “You are not alone” from someone, it doesn’t matter whether or not they can relate to my circumstances, I am going to claim those words. I think it’s good to be reminded now and again.

For the longest time I believed the lies that I was unlovable and would never find love and that it just wasn’t meant to be for me. I regretfully made choices that have kept me single all these years. My last relationship was a severely mentally abusive one (you can read more about it in “I was a lost soul…” posted in September 2012) and after finally breaking away from it, that’s when I had lost all hope. I walked around believing that love never came and that it would never come because  I didn’t deserve it.

I was SO wrong. I am still single with no children but I am surrounded by love—God’s amazing love—I was just too lost and blind to know it at first. It’s true that there is no greater love than His. I don’t know what God’s will is for me as far as marriage. I can’t worry about it. I’ve discovered that I am still in need of healing from that last horrible relationship and I am working on that. So I just keep doing what I have learned to do. I keep God first in area every of my life, I serve Him in ministry which is my passion now, and I trust Him to provide what I need one day at a time and He always more than provides.

For those who are going through this struggle, I am praying for you. Don’t ever give up. And don’t try to walk this walk alone. It’s true that no man or no woman is an island. Don’t be afraid to reach out to others who will lift you up. I pray you have or find a church family like mine. A church filled with the love of God and love for one another—a family that will never let you walk alone. I have even been blessed with many godly people that have their own church. So He has truly surrounded me with His love. I pray that you will seek God with your whole heart and put Him above all. Open up your heart completely and He will fill the emptiness with His love and peace. It’s indescribable when it happens, but you will know without a doubt when it does. He’s the only One who really can fill the hole in your heart—I am speaking from experience. And who knows. If it’s His will that you get married, He will make it happen…in his perfect timing of course. Here’s a good scripture verse that I like to keep on my heart at all times: “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” Matthew 6:33 (NLT) Amen. Keep Him first always and you can never go wrong.

I am going to end this with these words because I believe them to be true: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I hope you believe it too. Be encouraged. Be blessed. YOU ARE LOVED!! ♥

To the Lonely, Depressed, Broken: You don’t have to stay that way…I didn’t.

Debbie B. 2 Comments

I am grateful to God for giving me an amazing desire to share my vulnerable heart with anybody who will listen. I share my struggles as well as victories. God has performed miracles in my life and what good is it if I don’t share what He’s done for me with the world? This has given my life much meaning and I do it with the hope that people who are struggling will be encouraged to perhaps either turn to Jesus for the first time, or renew their faith in Him.

I am focusing on recovery today. I pray that anybody who is hurting, lonely, depressed, broken, or whatever your struggle may be, will consider beginning a recovery program. I pray this post will inspire you to take that courageous step sooner than later. There are different recovery programs out there, but the only one I am going to share about is Celebrate Recovery because that is where I go. It’s all I know. First and foremost, it is Christ-centered which is extremely important to me, but you don’t need to be a Christian to attend. Everybody is welcome. Second, recovery is for anybody who is struggling with “hurts, hang-ups, and habits” (as CR states it). I love the fact that it’s not just for alcohol or drug addiction like many people incorrectly assume. I happened to be one of “those people” before I gave it a chance and found out more about it.

Not many of my earlier posts on A Reason to Live have been about the progress of my recovery journey at CR. It’s not because I don’t want anybody to know about my progress or know that I’m even in recovery to begin with.  If you know me at all, you know my life has been an open book for quite a while now. Being this vulnerable and transparent was SO not part of my plan at all. No way would I have chosen that for myself. I believe some people who know me think I’m crazy to share such personal things about my life. I mean, you gotta be crazy to share very personal things for all to see on the internet, right? Well, you can call me crazy, but I like to call myself an obedient servant of the Lord. He’s creating an incredible testimony through my life and I’ll do anything to share it for Him. Somehow A Reason To Live has reached 37 countries including the USA. I’m not a typical blogger. I only write when the Lord puts something on my heart to share. I am amazed that this blog gets hits almost every day even though I’m averaging maybe one post a month lately. That’s a God thing for sure.

Anyway, the reason why I haven’t written much about my recovery is because it has been quite intense for me. My progress is where much of my focus has been, so writing gets put on the back burner. I am glad that I am finally able to share how I’m doing. I have no reason to hold anything back so I will share that this recovery journey at CR has been THE most difficult, and many times, THE most painful process that I have ever been through in my entire life. EVER. I don’t mean to sound like I’m trying to discourage anybody from doing recovery, I just have to be honest with how mine has been going. You must also know that it has been more than worth it because I am learning life-saving lessons. Even though I have suffered much growing pain, this recovery journey is turning out to be the biggest blessing of my life. I do not regret one moment of it. I do not regret one tear. I am receiving healing for past hurts that I could have sworn I was over and were forgotten. It turns out that they were only forgotten. They had been buried very deeply into my soul. I think that’s an extremely dangerous place to be for someone like me who used to be a severely depressed alcoholic in isolation.

I will never forget that first night as I drove into the church parking lot to check out CR. I did not want to get out of the car! A dear friend from afar contacted me that night and gave me the encouragement I needed to just do it, so I did. I was warmly greeted by strangers and that helped a lot. But when I first walked into that CR meeting, I truly did not feel that I belonged there. After all, I had already been sober for a little over two years. God gave me that miracle sobriety so why did I need a recovery program?? I kept asking God, why are You sending me here? Weeks later, I would get my answer, but initially I remember feeling so out of place. I had no idea what CR was about prior to that first night. I thought it was strictly for alcoholics and drug addicts and I only thought that because that’s what I had understood from someone else who was misinformed at the time. I learned quickly that CR is so much more. It truly is for everybody.

It took about eight consecutive weeks of showing up for me to start to feel that just maybe I really did belong there. I kept hearing the seasoned people say “keep coming back” and I honestly did NOT want to keep coming back. But I did, and I am so glad I did. I was encouraged to join their Step Study which is known as the Christ-centered 12 steps. It was something else that I really didn’t want to do, but I felt the Lord leading me to do it, so I signed up. This part of the program has been the toughest part of the journey for me. I cry a lot. But I am amazed at the healing that is taking place in my heart. This program is transforming my life all over again. I have put my whole heart into this and it is taking me to a whole new level on this faith walk with Christ.  I am a leader in the making now. The Lord has shown me that my future includes being a CR leader. It’s been God’s plan for my life all along and I’ve just discovered it this year. How blessed am I to have found my divine purpose in this life.

I feel I’m supposed to share these important events in my life. Not because it has anything to do with me or what I’ve done, but because it’s all about God and the great things HE has done. And I just hope and pray that it will be encouraging for others because it shows that God will do great things, beyond any imagination, in the life that seeks Him with their whole heart and makes His will their priority.

God gave me my miracle of sobriety in early 2010. It came from a rock bottom call out to Him in a hospital room. I wasn’t even sure He was real, but I fully surrendered all of me to Him for the first time and He answered my prayer and I have never touched another drink. He delivered me from the depression. HE IS REAL.

October 2011

“Miracles Remembered!”

If that wasn’t amazing enough, I was asked to share God’s miracle during a televised church service that was recorded on October 2, 2011, and aired weeks later reaching many people nationwide and internationally. That was a miracle in itself because I’m just me. I never could have imagined that a seven minute interview would be so powerful. But that’s how God works. I agreed to do it because I wanted people to find hope in Jesus and turn to Him for help. I didn’t think about those who knew me and that they would be finding out for the first time through an interview that I had lived decades with depression and a drinking problem. At least I tried not to. I was a bit nervous about speaking in church and knowing it would be recorded, but my pastor prayed over me prior to the service and I was comfortable enough to get through it with her. It was a wonderful experience and my life hasn’t been the same since.

I remember that one of the questions my pastor had asked was if I had done a 12 step program and of course the answer had been “No”. How incredible is it that one year later, in October 2012, I would start attending Celebrate Recovery not really understanding why I was there?! I never could have imagined that I would be starting the 12 step program just two months after that.

You see, in my case, God didn’t send me to CR to get sober. He had already taken care of that. God sent me there to receive proper healing so I could have a better chance at staying sober. He sent me there to use my life and testimony to encourage and walk with others in their recovery. He sent me there to get leadership training so I can one day bring this wonderful and needed ministry to my own church home. He sent me there to give me purpose–to have a meaningful life. He sent me there so I could bring Him glory. What an honor. What a gift of life. And to think I almost ended it a while back. I am so in awe and grateful for what He’s doing.

People need to know that this is not just about putting an end to our destructive patterns or addictions. We must get behind the issues that caused us to be destructive in the first place. I had no idea I was still carrying around deeply rooted pain until I participated in the step study. I do shed a lot of tears, but it’s true that there is healing in tears. I am learning to let go of hurts and the shameful things I’ve done in the past. It’s not easy, but the Lord is definitely healing me through this wonderful ministry. I am so grateful for the friends He has placed in my life. I need my friends. I can’t do this alone, none of us can. It is scary for me to think how easy it is for people to relapse. It doesn’t matter how long a person has been in recovery. Everyone is capable of relapsing if they stray away from God thinking they can do it on their own. I know that I am absolutely powerless without God being in charge of my life. And I need godly friends to hold me accountable. I have recovery friends and other ministry friends who do this for me and they pray for me and I am beyond grateful for every single one of them.

I pray this post will encourage someone to take a step of faith and allow the Lord to help them. And if anyone is in need of recovery for any kind of hurt or struggle, I pray you will give Celebrate Recovery a try for a while and see what God does. Even if you don’t believe in Him, He believes in you. I believe in time, you will know He is real and your life will never be the same. God is still in the business of doing miracles. My life is proof of that.

In just over five months, I am celebrating my fourth year of sobriety. Wow. What an incredible ongoing miracle that I get to keep telling the world about!

To God be the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.

Am I really battling suicidal thoughts again? How can that be after all God has done for me?

Debbie B. 12 Comments

Tough subject to write about, but I need to share what I have been walking around with lately. I haven’t written anything for well over a month now. I honestly started to think my blogging days were over (although I’m not much of a blogger with only 48 posts in 15 months). I felt like I had completely lost the passion for sharing my heart so openly. I guess that really isn’t the case. I just needed less time on the laptop and extra time with my Lord so I could keep my focus completely on Him while He brings me through some difficult challenges—amazing challenges that He’s using to prepare me to lead a recovery ministry at my church. That’s another miracle of His in the making somewhere down the road. I figured that if God wanted me to share something worth sharing, He’d put the desire back on my heart and give me the words. Well, it seems that’s exactly what He’s doing right now, so here we go…here is post #49 for Matters of the Heart (A Reason to Live).

It’s good for me to share that I’ve been struggling…a lot…this past month or so. I believe there’s gotta be people out there feeling the same. We need to pray for each other. As I continue to grow leaps and bounds in the Lord, my spiritual journey with Him is getting more and more challenging. I became overwhelmed to the point to where I have been battling some thoughts that have surprised me, especially after all the amazing things and miracles that the Lord has been doing in my life over the last few years. I was feeling like I was battling a bit of depression once again. Thoughts of not wanting to go forward any longer on this journey because it just gets too hard at times, made me think that I was feeling suicidal again. I didn’t want to just throw in the towel and tell God to find someone else while I start doing my own thing. I believe that quitting my walk with the Lord means quitting life altogether. That’s because I remember so well what it was like living in darkness, in the devil’s chains all of those years of drinking trying to kill the pain. That was a slow and painful death. If I don’t keep walking with the Lord, to me, that surely means death is the only other choice. This life is hard, but how can I choose death over life with Jesus?? I can’t. I was there and I can’t go back to it. I am choosing life, trusting the Lord one step at a time—that’s about all I can handle and He knows it and His power in me blows me away.

So am I really battling suicidal thoughts? Maybe not. My so-called suicidal thoughts are nothing like what they used to be back in the days that I had suffered from severe depression trying to drink the pain away. I didn’t know Jesus at that time. There was no hope for me back then. Today, I DO have hope in Jesus. Yet, these thoughts and emotions over the last few weeks had me thinking very unhealthy thoughts and I couldn’t stop thinking of Pastor Rick Warren’s son who committed suicide just a few months ago. This young man was blessed with good godly parents and he couldn’t hang on. He knew the Lord, why did he do it? I’ll never understand. That really tore me up when I heard the sad news. My heart felt so broken. I cried as if I had lost a close friend or family member. He was in the family of God, so I suppose I really did. My heart breaks for people that can’t hold on. I’ll never understand how I survived all of those dark years without the Lord. Maybe I’m not supposed to understand. I wish I could have met Matthew Warren before he died. I would have really liked to try to understand what he was going through in his heart and mind. When I was struggling recently, I was thinking about how nice it would be to never cry again, to never get my heart broken again, to never see people I care deeply for, suffer. It’s been so hard for me today seeing someone I love, who has had such an important part in my spiritual journey of sobriety, battle a serious illness.

Leaving earth and going to heaven sounds so good, I was wondering if it would be so bad if that happened for me sooner than later? I was starting to think strongly that because I’m not married and don’t have children, that there’s really nothing here for me anyway. Everyone else has their lives to live and their own families, nobody would notice that I’m gone. You know what? The devil has been working overtime trying to get me to believe those lies. He’d really like to see  me leave so God wouldn’t be able to use my heart to reach others for Him the way He has been. The devil doesn’t want God to save more lives. I guess this is the only time where my stubbornness pays off because I can’t let the devil win. Through my time with the Lord and praying about all of this, I’m discovering that I am not really battling suicidal thoughts. It turns out that I’m just longing to be with my Lord Jesus in Heaven. He’s shown me that I’m not really suicidal, I’m  just extremely Homesick and He wants me to keep trusting Him and keep holding on! So, I will!

I love what the Apostle Paul wrote to the Philippians, it’s so how I feel in my heart: “…I desire to depart and be with Christ which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.” (Phil. 1:23,24)

I am not trying to compare myself to Paul. I  am not great like he was. But I have been given a mission in life and that’s to do all I can to keep growing strong in the Lord, to become a leader in His recovery ministry, and to keep sharing from the heart—a wonderful gift the Lord has given me (so I’m told) so that He can reach hearts through mine. Bottom line is I need to keep living my life for the Lord. Like Paul said, “For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better.” (Phil. 1:21) When the Lord is finished with me on this earth, I will finally get to go Home and be with Him and with those who have gone before me. I will get my great reward. The Lord sure does make this life with Him worth holding on for.

Thank you for listening to my heart, it’s never easy for me. But when you listen to me, I believe you’re really listening to the Lord. God bless you all. And for those who think there’s nothing to live for, I want you to know it’s not true—don’t let the devil win. He is such a liar. There is always a reason to live…live for Jesus. He died a horrific death so that you may have life and have it abundantly. He can save others through you too and that is an awesome reason to live! I hope you’ll follow me in following Him, and CHOOSE LIFE! I promise you, you will not regret it. Jesus will make sure of that. ♥

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“God places lonely people in families.” Psalm 68:6 (GW)

Debbie B. 4 Comments

Family

I read that Psalm recently and it gave me peace and an extra boost of hope. Then I found this photo. There’s something about it that makes me smile, gives me more hope, makes me feel a tiny bit lonely, and maybe a little bit sad all at the same time. I’ve written about loneliness before. It’s not an easy subject for me to write about. I don’t like to admit to people that I get lonely. But I am human. Unfortunately, I made choices in life that led me to my late forties without a family of my own. And…well, it can bring me down once in a while.  It also makes me dream what seems to be an impossible dream. Is there anybody else out there who finds that they too are dreaming impossible dreams and perhaps wanting to give up on them? Sometimes I honestly do want to give up. I don’t know about you, but impossible dreams can really make my heart ache. However, I am grateful to know that without a doubt, that what is impossible for me is very possible for God. Knowing that keeps me holding on and hoping in Christ, one day at a time.

I like a true story. Especially when I can relate to it. Here’s one that someone out there might relate to. At least I hope there is, it would be nice to know that I’m not alone. There was a young woman who was so excited to be expecting her first child. So many friends and relatives had started their own families and although she was very happy for them, she felt empty and out of place because she was one of the very few left who was still single and childless. Finally, it was her turn and she had never felt this kind of joy before. Being a mom was something she had been longing for, although she never told anybody about it. It didn’t bother her that she wasn’t married. She had convinced herself that she never wanted to get married so it wasn’t even a thought. The excitement was building. She could hardly wait for the baby shower. She saw herself opening all kinds of wonderful gifts for her baby. For the longest time, she had watched others do it. Now it was her turn—a dream come true. There was so much planning to do. It was the best moment of her entire life. You see, for years she had walked around discouraged from being abandoned by one of her parents. She became depressed, and even suicidal. She felt she was worthless and that her life really wasn’t worth living anymore. That is, until this moment came and she said to herself: “Finally, someone to love of my own. Someone to take care of. I will never stop loving or abandon this child. This is a wonderful reason to be alive.”

Then something happened… she woke up. Yes! It was only a dream! The feeling of disappointment and the complete emptiness and brokenness immediately came back, but much worse than before. The hole in her heart got even deeper and she would spend many more nights crying herself to sleep while wondering “When will the pain ever end?”

I’ve shared a lot of stories from the heart on this blog. Most of them turned out to be about me. Well, let’s add this one to the list. That dreamer was me. It was before the depression became severe and before I became a true alcoholic. Today at the age of 47, the desires of my heart have changed quite a bit. I am very thankful for that. I consider myself too old to start a family now anyway. I know it would not be a good idea for me to try to have a baby of my own and be a single mom. It’s just not something I could realistically do at this point in my life.

The desire that I do have in my heart today I consider an impossible dream. I’ve gone from wanting to have children to wanting to just be a grandmother. May sound funny, but it’s true. Actually, the whole dream is to have a family that loves the Lord as much as I do and wants to serve Him together as much as I do. That would be an amazing dream come true. I always think of the scripture verse, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Right now, I can only say “As for me and…me.” 🙂 I’m really glad I can smile as I write this now. I’ve had some recent breakthroughs with pain I was still carrying. I’m grateful to be doing much better (the Lord always comes to my rescue). Not too long ago, I was in tears thinking about how I got myself here. Anyway, if becoming a grandmother is not an impossible dream, I don’t know what is! I don’t have a husband, I don’t have kids…grandkids are an impossible dream. For a long while now, I have asked for the Lord to take this desire away if it is not of Him. So far nothing has happened either way. When I mentioned that I’ve asked God to take the desire away and He hasn’t to my pastor, she told me that since He hasn’t taken it away that I could start praying for Him to fulfill it! She told me that God is never late and He never teases. She told me to believe. Thank you pastor, I do believe! I’ve got a great pastor. She always has great words of encouragement for me. After a long time of the desire not going away, it didn’t occur to me to pray for God to fulfill the desire. I was honestly too busy seeing the impossible.  How can I forget that God always makes the impossible possible when it is something that He needs to happen to accomplish His plan. He’s proven that so many times already!

I spent years in depression, trying to drink the pain away. It is a major blessing to me now, that I wasn’t married and that I didn’t have kids while I spent all that time in that condition. I would have messed up too many lives that way. Now that I’m sober and serving the Lord with my heart, who knows what He will do. He’ll either fulfill the desire or He will take it completely away. It’s a win-win to me. I just have to wait on Him. I have a very blessed life today. When the loneliness does hit, which thankfully is not as often as it used to be, I have learned to keep reaching out to the Lord so I can get even closer to Him. He always fills that void when I keep seeking Him. He truly is enough for me. Another favorite verse of mine is Lamentations 3:25 “The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him.” So true, He is SO good to me.

I don’t know why I felt inclined to write this post. I was trying to avoid it, but I kept getting the “God nudge”. It’s taken me weeks to make sense of it and to write in a way that makes sense, I don’t even know if I am really making sense at all right now. All I can say is that this is all coming from my heart and I believe the Lord is giving me the words. I pray there’s something here that helps someone in some way. Perhaps it is someone who is feeling quite lonely—maybe someone like me who doesn’t have a spouse and/or kids. I just want to encourage you to reach for Jesus first no matter what. You will find that He is enough for you. If you’re single and have a desire to be married with kids someday and it just doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen, pray first asking the Lord to take the desire away if it is not of Him. If it doesn’t go away, then start praying for Him to fulfill it and trust that He will. It will be in His perfect timing. This goes for any desire. In the meantime, let Him fill you with His love and peace and He will take away the loneliness. I can testify to that!

Jesus says to you, “I am with you always…” Friend, He is. He really, really is. I pray that you will open your heart and feel His presence like I do.  Thanks to all who listen to my ramblings about such personal matters of the heart. It’s been good therapy for me and I find that sharing my heart and being transparent, although not easy,  really does bring wonderful blessings to my life.

May God bless you all and grant you every desire of your heart. ♥

 

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“If You Build It, He Will Come”

Debbie B. 4 Comments

Okay, so that’s not a scripture verse…I think I might be getting a little loopy from not getting enough hours of sleep in lately, but since God just opened a big door for our church, Hope Center of Christ, I couldn’t stop thinking of those words. I remembered the famous quote from the movie Field of Dreams, I’m not sure why that would come to me, but it did and I can’t stop thinking about it. Actually, I was thinking about “If you build it, they will come” which is how most people misquote the movie. Anyway, instead of wanting to build a baseball field to bring back dead baseball players, I can’t stop thinking about the potential of bringing the Celebrate Recovery Ministry to our church. I believe Jesus will cause “them” to come when the CR ministry gets implemented at Hope Center in the future. It is becoming more real since He led us to a new church home! The cool part is that I’ve been in training at CR for a while already. I have a ways to go, but I’m definitely off to a great start.

This is an extremely overwhelming position to be in. When I said yes to God a few years ago, I just wanted to stop hurting. I wanted to stop drinking, and I am eternally grateful for the Lord’s miracles that saved my life. Once the Lord sobered me up and lifted the depression, the desire was placed in my heart to get close to Him. In time I found myself wanting to give my life back to Him in service. That’s what I’ve been doing (He’s really got me sold out for Him). I so wanted to find purpose in life, but I never could have imagined I’d be given a mission as big as this one. He has made it very clear that CR is my God-given mission. It’s not only so I can be healed, it’s so I can help others in their recovery. It’s why I’m alive. There’s only one problem with “If you build it…”, I’m not a builder of anything! It is IMPOSSIBLE with me. But I do realize that’s what is so great about it. We know what God does with what’s impossible for man (or woman). Thank You Lord, that ALL things are possible with You for those who believe…I BELIEVE!

I believe God wants to keep doing miracles through Hope Center of Christ. I don’t know why, when, or how I became so blessed to be a part of something so incredible. I keep waiting to wake up from this dream, but He keeps reminding me and showing me it’s not a dream. It’s mind boggling to be dreaming God-sized dreams and living them out with Him. I am so grateful for Pastor Sheila and other dear friends who pray for me and encourage me to keep going in this tough journey. They listen every time I cry and they love me anyway! This journey would sure be much more difficult without their continued support.

I pray a lot, I cry a lot, I talk to God a lot, and He is growing me A LOT! I even manage to get some laughter in there now and then, I’m sure I make the Lord laugh a lot. He sure has done such amazing things in my life and I am willing to do whatever it takes to become the leader He needs for me to become—to be the hands, feet, voice, and heart for Jesus so that through me (and whomever He provides to help), He will build this very important ministry at Hope Center of Christ. And I believe with all my heart, that once HE builds it, THEY WILL COME!

To God be the glory. Amen? AMEN!

(The amount of worshippers in this photo is a God-sized dream to have…I’m dreaming big. After all, we have a BIG GOD!)

They will come to worship Him!