October | 2012 | Keeping Hope Alive †

I heard something recently that really scared me…the story starts out great about someone overcoming alcoholism. I don’t know if sobriety came through a miracle like mine or through a recovery program, but this person had remained sober for somewhere over ten years. Wow, that sure is a long time. Although I don’t know the circumstances, what scared me is when I heard that this person has since relapsed. If someone who seemed to have victory and have their life straightened out could fall back so hard and end up losing everything they had worked so hard and so long for, who am I to think that I would be exempt from relapse…especially since I haven’t even reached my three year milestone yet?

I’ve shared before how my sobriety is a true miracle of God’s power in my life—I didn’t need a recovery program. Because of that miracle, I started to dangerously think that I wouldn’t have to deal with this ever again. But once I heard of that relapse story, I recognized that I can’t fool myself into thinking I’m safe. Well, not safe under my own power anyway.

Hearing that story was not a coincidence. I believe the Lord put me in the right place at the perfect time so I could hear it. His timing never ceases to amaze me. Lately, I’ve been battling thoughts of wishing I could have just one drink to relax after a hard day of work. For me, that is just completely impossible. No way could I ever have just one drink. I also know that all it will take is just one sip to destroy all the good that God has done in my life over the last couple of years. The enemy definitely knows this and he has been working hard at trying to make me stumble.

Life has been extra challenging lately. Work is exhausting, and when I spend time alone, my mind drifts and I battle thoughts of unhealthy things such as drinking. I know in my heart I really don’t want to go back there because that will kill me. But the battle with the mind is ongoing. It is tiring. The war being waged by the enemy is fierce, but I have come so far in such a short time that I will not give up. After all, God has given me so much to live for now, I want to continue to fight the good fight and thankfully, I have the Lord keeping me strong and protected. I wouldn’t be able to fight this fight without the Lord holding me up. I am so grateful that my connection with Him is so deep. When I shared with my pastor how this story scared me, she encouraged me by reminding me of my connection with the Lord, and that people with this kind of connection do not relapse. At least it would be a very rare thing to happen. I needed to be reminded of that. I will be alright as long as I keep connected to the Lord. Any of us with this kind of battle will be alright as long as we stay connected to Him and that is super encouraging!

The more I walk this walk, the more vulnerable I become. I know the only way I can help someone in their journey is to be vulnerable and share about what the Lord is doing in mine, so here I am. This journey is tough, but the Lord is giving me the strength and courage I need to do His will. I am grateful. I have been led by the Lord to start attending a Christian recovery program (Celebrate Recovery) for the first time. It was one of the most difficult steps of my life. I think mostly I allowed the enemy to put fear in my heart. Thankfully through prayer with my pastor and some dear friends, and with the Lord’s help I once again have conquered that fear. It seemed really strange to me to be starting a recovery program after being sober for a while already. However, I am following my heart and I am actually attending my second night tonight. It will be my first meeting with a small group of women who all battle with chemical dependency.

Last week I actually spoke in front of a large group of people where I was one of several who took a turn speaking. I introduced myself and stated why I was there. Friends, it was only a few words, but it was tough!! I almost chickened out and was just going to stay seated. But I followed the Lord’s prompt to just do it and I am so glad I listened to Him. It was unexpected, but I had received a Celebrate Recovery chip with a special Bible verse on it. It’s a little plastic thing, but it’s pretty special to me especially because of that Bible verse. It’s a blessing that I would have missed out on had I allowed my nerves to get in the way.

Here’s a photo of it:

“My Grace is enough for you.”

I realize now that the Lord will be using this part of my life to help others who are going through the same thing. Not everybody gets healed and gets sober through complete miracles like I have, so how can I encourage people to go through a recovery program if I haven’t walked that part of the journey myself? Knowing this helped me to make that first difficult step last week. This is a win-win for me because it is also going to give me an additional support group of people who ALL know the shoes I’m walking in. I’m learning that I really need that in my life, especially now.

I’ll be sharing things as I go along on this new journey the Lord has me on. It is wonderful discovering my purpose in life—God’s will for my life. I am on my way to something beyond what I could ever imagine on my own. I pray that people who are struggling will be encouraged to do something and get the help they need. We can’t do this on our own, but ALL things are possible with God!

This last photo is of me holding my special blessing. What you see is pure joy from God’s miracles in my life AND from discovering a big part of His plan for me. It is so good to be alive, to be sober, and to be used by God! Blessings to you all! ♥

Joy that can only come from God ♥

It breaks my heart today that so many people feel this way and give up hope. But I understand what it’s like to be there because that used to be me. I remember all the years I doubted that God would ever think about answering my cries to Him. After all, why should He? I never did anything for Him. Not one thing. I never knew Him. I never had the desire to. I didn’t care to love Him…I just didn’t know how. Like many, I only cried out when I was in need. I honestly don’t know why I kept trying for so long, especially because He never answered. Well, that is of course, until that last rock bottom cry for help that I’ve written about before.

That last cry out to Him was different from all the many other times. It’s amazing that He answered for the first time. I don’t think it was because I was finally at the end of my rope. Nor was it because of my desperation—I was always desperate every time I cried out. And it definitely wasn’t because I deserved it–no way did I deserve it. I believe God finally answered because for the first time in my entire life, my cry came with a sincere heart. I was done trying to be in control of my own life. I know now that I was never in control, the enemy was and he had taken me to such a dark place. I felt I had one foot in the grave and the rest of me would end up there soon if I didn’t do something about it. I wasted over 20 years, but thank God I was finally ready to change before it was too late. I was finally ready to live–to really live. And I was willing to allow God to do whatever He had to in my life to get me there.

So many times I have heard people say, “Jesus didn’t say following Him would be easy, but He said it would be worth it.” That is so true. I can say that it has truly been worth it. I really had no idea what I was in for at the beginning. This has been the hardest work of my life. But, it has also been the most blessed and rewarding experience I could have ever imagined. I have also experienced many growing pains through this journey and because the growing will continue, so will the pain that comes with it. But it has all been more than worth it. My spiritual growth is incredible. Life on this earth will always be challenging. There will always be many trials. Jesus told us so. But I can’t imagine going through them without the Him on my side…without Him carrying me through. Not ever again. I do all I can to make sure that it doesn’t happen again. The Lord continues to do His part as He has promised, and I believe that’s because I have kept my promise and I continue to do my part. No matter how hard or what the cost may be.

Today I have the privilege of encouraging others to do the same. I can only hope that the way I live my life is a good example for them to follow. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to see the fruit of my labor, but whether I do or not, it doesn’t really matter. That is not why I do what I do. I will keep sowing the seeds and leave the rest to God. That has been a difficult lesson, but I am learning. People sowed seeds into my life and the Lord has made them grow in amazing ways. Because I am blessed to still have these amazing people of faith in my life, for whom I am so eternally grateful for, I work hard to pay it forward. I will keep serving the Lord in faith and try to reach as many as I can while I am still here. I continue to pray that through my life, God will reach people and draw them near to Him. This is why I am alive today. I was given a second chance at life and I am not going to waste it this time.

God has given me so much and I want to share it with the world. I pray someone who is where I once was, will see this and start seeking God with their whole heart right now. Not just when it’s convenient, not just on Sundays, but every single day. He’s waiting and if you open your heart and mind to Him and allow Him to have control, you too will see incredible breakthroughs and miracles start to happen in your own life. You will know joy, peace, and love like you’ve never known before. Even during the most difficult times of your life. Who doesn’t want that?! God will never be more real to you. I don’t want you to live another day without Him, there is so much more to life than what you’re seeing right now and God will open your eyes to see things that you’ve never seen before. Get ready for some hard work, but also get ready for the best days of your life to come.

I hope that in time, you too will pay it forward. May God bless you richly. ♥