Tag Sobriety

“If only…” Living with and learning from a BIG regret.

Debbie B. 2 Comments

Out of all the poor choices I have made in the past…out of all the mistakes that I have regretted in life…if only I could go back and change just one thing, it would be to share what God has done in my life with a friend before he died. 

This is another difficult post for me but I believe the Lord wants me to put it out there to encourage someone so they don’t miss out like I did.  If I could help just one person avoid living with this kind of regret, then putting my heart out there like this is more than worth it to me. 

Tuesday, July 17th, marks the one year anniversary of the death of a friend who was killed in a small plane crash with the love of his life. It’s hard to believe it’s going to be a year since two young lives were cut so short. My friend’s name was Brian. We became friends through work and he was more like a goofy little brother to me (my “little” brother was 6’7” tall!).  We worked closely on a team for about six years or so and he kept me laughing much of the time.  Brian knew my job got tough at times so once in a while he’d come by my desk to make me laugh or to just see how I was doing.  He was a good guy and I sure miss him.

It’s amazing to me that although we became close and talked a lot, not once did I ever feel like I needed to share with him about my life as a depressed alcoholic. Nobody really knew about it so maybe that’s why I never thought about bringing it up.  When God intervened in my life and started to turn me around, Brian had no idea.  I never told him. Again, I never thought about it.  I told very few people at the beginning. At that time I wasn’t ready to share too much about my personal life with people I worked with. When the shocking news of Brian’s death came, I took it very hard.  For a while, I would beat myself up for never saying anything about God to him.  I realized that I never knew where he was spiritually. I honestly don’t know why sharing God with him never crossed my mind.  I still feel horrible not knowing, but I do have hope that he knew the Lord. It’s too late to do anything about it now, so all I can do is hold onto hope—hope that I will see him in heaven when I get there. 

I have certainly learned from this mistake.  I don’t ever want this to happen again. Now I share about what God is doing in my life with anybody who will listen.  The greatest thing about it is that God seems to work that out nicely for me. I find that when I share, it’s usually because someone will say or ask something that opens the door for me to share.  I never feel the need to force myself on anybody.   

I will always regret that I missed my opportunity with Brian, but I must say I’m grateful that it wasn’t like I had felt prompted to share and ignored that prompt. I know that would have made it much worse and so much more difficult for me to get past.  I’ve had a tremendous amount of spiritual growth in the past year and now I live my life for opportunities to get out there and share God’s love with people as much as possible.  I’ve stopped beating myself up over this mistake.  God has helped me to move forward and to do better. 

Friends, is there someone in your life that you’ve been hesitating to share the Lord with? I want to encourage you to just do it. Don’t wait. There’s no better time than now.  I know many times it requires us to step way out of our comfort zone and we take the chance of getting laughed at, rejected, etc., but please learn from my regret and don’t lose your opportunity like I did.   

I’d much rather be laughed at or rejected or take whatever might happen than live with this “If only” regret ever again. 

God is beyond amazing and we need to share about Him!!!!

Learning to live a sober life…

Debbie B. 7 Comments

It sure is not an easy thing to just be starting in my forties.  It’s hard learning to live when you spend a lot of time alone. It’s hard to break away from being a loner.  That’s all I’ve known for too many years of avoiding people.  I got very used to keeping to myself.  I am a true introvert.  And what makes it worse, a shy one.

I have a real difficult time in social gatherings.  I spent this past Sunday at a park for a picnic with my church. It was a beautiful day.  I got some practice photography in and managed to capture a few good shots that showed some beautiful hearts for God.  It was a blessed time of fellowship.  However, it was not easy for me to be there at first. I don’t think most people would have been able to guess that the morning was a rough start for me.  I felt so anxious I was thinking that maybe I wouldn’t go. But, I really love these people so I knew I had to just deal with it. I’m glad I did of course because in time I was fine.  It’s so interesting to me that I’m okay with the same people when we do outreaches.  Even though I get nervous, it’s completely different.  It must be the servant heart that the Lord has given me.  I really do have a passion to serve Him and to reach others for Him.  I’m sure in time I’ll overcome this social challenge with His help.

I’ve never been comfortable socially in large groups.  Put me in a large group for a work meeting and have me speak in front of all of them about things I know, no problem.  But put me with that same group to just be social?  That’s definitely a problem.  What used to get me through those situations was drinking.  Not only was alcohol my medicine to numb the pain of depression, it was also my liquid courage.  I wasn’t so shy when I drank.  Drinking calmed my nerves and made me comfortable in my own skin.

I thank God that I am no longer tempted to drink, but I make sure I don’t put myself in situations that may cause me to slip up.  Even though I’m much stronger now, I can see how easy it would be. All it would take is just one sip to destroy everything that God has done. There’s just too much to lose to take that kind of chance so if I’m invited to an event where there’s going to be alcohol, I usually turn it down.  If I do go, it’s not for long.  I just simply prefer not to be around it if I can help it.  Some people understand, and some people don’t. I can’t worry about that. I have to do whatever it takes to make sure I stay sober.

Doing things like that are great but I don’t think it’s enough.  One of the greatest things I’ve learned to do is to build a team of godly people to help me stay accountable.  God has blessed me with an incredible team.  They sure inspire me to keep pressing forward and they keep me out of trouble.  I love spending time with them.

It’s been a little over two years, but I’m barely getting started on this new life the Lord has given me.  While I was writing this, I realized I never really learned how to live before sobriety.  I was too depressed and intoxicated to live. I can see that this is going to take a bit of time.

Well, I just felt like I needed to share what’s on my heart tonight. Maybe someone out there can relate to this.  I will just keep doing what I’m doing…holding on to hope and holding on to God one step at a time, one day at a time, and praise Him for victory!