I still want to believe that this life is worth living…

So, I made it through another Christmas. That sounds a bit sad to me. I am sorry if you think so too. Honestly, I have been battling the sadness AGAIN. Since I became a true Christian almost nine years ago, I always thought that Christmas is supposed to be a wonderful time with people we love, with hearts filled with gratitude for the Perfect Gift that each of us has been given – the night the Savior was born — born to die so that we may have a chance at life…something like that. But when you’re like me, it is just trying your best to make it through family/friend time without being too much of a Debbie-Downer. I love my family. I love my church family and friends. But I must say, it continues to be extra challenging being sober. It is my 9th holiday season being 100% sober, and this year I found myself once again wishing I could be drunk through it. Well, at least through some of it. I guess there are times when I still think I can hide the real, messed-up-Deb, behind a mask of booze, but I am thankful that I know better. I am still a miracle in the making.

It has been a tough few years. I am blessed and grateful that I can share that a loved one overcame cancer, but the experience and treatment has changed things drastically and that is about all I can share at this time due to privacy. Basically, it has been hard on my heart. I have learned that since I have made it past 50 years of age (which I believe is another miracle), that I was nowhere close to being prepared for what life might bring at this stage in my life. My heart keeps getting hit hard by uncontrollable circumstances. I keep giving it all to God, but it still hurts.

When I feel this low, I find myself fading away a bit. That is the only way I can think of describing what it feels like. I am here, but hopefully invisible. Sometimes I think it really works because someone can be near me but they look right through me as if I am not really there. It’s weird. Like an out of body experience, I guess. Being invisible is mostly what I want, yet when my plan works, it does not feel so good at times.

So why am I taking another risk by putting my vulnerable self out there like this again? It is simple. People need to know that no matter how bad life seems, no matter how much pain is in their heart and mind that never seems to end, there is a reason to stay and suffer through. And although it may be hard to fathom for some of you, it is worth it. I believe that I am here because too many have given up on hope, and too many are thinking about it at this very moment. It makes me cry.

My heart feels too much, but I think it is a gift from God so I can understand the pain of others. You cannot truly encourage others to keep pressing on if you have never known what it is like to want to end the pain in death under your own terms. My heart was pained by the teenager who gave up on hope somewhere around the Thanksgiving holiday. Oh, the pain. And the pain that his family is now enduring for such a devastating loss. One of the parents happens to be a colleague of mine. My heart still hurts. Another colleague had PTSD and suffered for I do not know how long and could not hold on to hope so he took his own life in October 2017. That one still stings as well. They discovered Jesus, so I am blessed to know that He was there to receive them with open arms, for NOTHING shall be able to separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39).

I cannot do anything about those who are already gone, but I can pray that someone believing that death by suicide is the answer would somehow feel the love of God through me and/or others that know the pain and choose to stay, trust God, and press on. We need more people of faith to share their stories for encouragement. Many want to keep their stories private. I can understand, but I hope they will pray and receive the courage that God gives because this is a matter of life and death. Please prayerfully consider this mission. If you have not found your purpose, perhaps this might be it or a piece of it.

And for those who do not know what this deep dark emotional despair that sometimes wins is like, I pray for you too. Especially if and when you are ever faced with someone near and dear that you know or suspect might do something so drastic and devastating. Please be patient. If you are not close to God, I pray that this will be a time that you do become close. If you do not believe in Him, I pray that you would seek Him out to see if He is real. That’s what happened to me. I found Him, just like His Word in Scripture said I would. I…we all need God to help through all of this. I have people I care for in my life and they have no idea how much it hurts when I see them living apart from God. When they use His name inappropriately in front of me, I used to think I needed to defend my God. But I realized something recently, the pain in my heart is because some of my friends do not know the love of God as I have discovered and that breaks my heart. I have learned that the best thing I can do is pray that my being open about my faith will help open a door to their heart for God to come in some day. I have to leave that up to God.

God-honoring people in my life have no idea how much they continue to help save my life by being a true example of faith. They draw me near to God, they do not do things that might lure me away from Him.

Telling someone to “snap out of it” or “get over it” or “I can’t take your depression any longer” or “you are being selfish” will only make things worse. I even think quoting Scripture or reminding someone of their blessings is not helpful if it is not a message nudged by God. When you get close to God and discover His heart, you become very familiar with those kinds of nudges. I believe if God nudges you to say something specific to someone else, that He has gone ahead of you to prepare that heart to receive it. I have learned, thanks to my mentor, to never run ahead of God. I do not want to risk pushing someone in the wrong direction because their heart was not ready. Whenever I have said something that was nudged by God, I am always amazed at how it was received. I can see God moving in their hearts.

I also think about the friends that we read about in the story of Job. I want to be that kind of friend. I need those kinds of friends. I need to clarfiy, if you haven’t read the story in a while or at all, take a look at Job 2:11-13. I am talking about prior to them opening their mouths and ruining everything. Initially, they sat with Job without a word and cried with him. How amazing would that be if we learned to do the same for those around us who need comfort instead of trying to fix them or their circumstances with our so-called words of wisdom? The Bible encourages us to weep with those who weep in Romans 12:15. We should also rejoice when they rejoice…this life isn’t always about pain. I thank God for that!

Here is something I can rejoice over. Through all my pain and suffering I have discovered purpose. There IS purpose in pain!! I am living it. It is nothing new than what is written in the Bible — to love God my Creator with all my heart, soul, and mind (troubled mind and all) and to love others. When you have this love of God pouring in and out of you, you can’t help but share about Him and His goodness in your life. We should not be surprised by our pain and troubles in this present evil world. I do not live this life perfectly, but I try my best and continue believing that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13) and I take God for His word! God’s Word never fails.

This is the first time I have been on here writing in such a long time. I work full-time, go to college part-time and the emotional struggle has been deep, but I am grateful for the courage and strength to share this tonight. I am thankful for those of you who encourage this tiny unknown blog. I may be a miniscule ministry, but I am mighty in the name of Jesus. Amen? I love how God will use any willing heart.

If this has touched you in anyway, I hope you will share it. It is my heart pouring out no matter what the cost.

If you are suffering, like so many of us, I pray that you will know God’s life-saving love so you will keep courageously choosing life and be an encouragement to someone else. Imagine if each of us touched one heart. It only takes one heart to reach millions. I love knowing that and it is so cool to think about.

And my humble request for anyone who is reading this, will you pray with me? Please pray that there would be such an outpouring of the Spirit of God that those hearts lost in the dark will know His love beyond a shadow of a doubt and will be changed forever. Pray for strength. Pray for perseverance through the pain. I pray more lives will be saved. Not just for the other side of eternity, but for this precious short time that we have been gifted on this earth.

I DO still believe that this life is truly worth living. Thank You, Jesus, for the everyday chance to choose Your precious gift of life. Friends, let’s keep holding on to hope of Jesus Christ who came to seek the lost and save us no matter what. May you come to know His deep abiding joy that is not based on circumstances of life. May you come to know just how much you are loved and may that love give you courage and the desire to keep on keeping on for the glory of the Lord. †

Thank you for stopping by and praying with me. God bless you richly.

The Thoughts of God—Encouragement for Troubled Souls

Most people familiar with Scripture are familiar with the Jeremiah 29:11 translation that says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I recently read it in the New King James Version and it really stood out me like never before. It says, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” I don’t know about you, but I really love that translation. It is now my favorite. God’s thoughts toward me…that warms my heart.

In this present evil world, we must choose to believe and remember that God is in control, He is alive, and that He moves powerfully in the lives of those whose hearts are wholly devoted to Him. If we are not living wholly devoted to the Holy One who works ALL things for good, we will never be able to become all that He has intended for us to be. We may have temporary success and happiness, but it is meaningless and leaves us empty. I have learned that nothing good, truly good, comes from anything that is done apart from God. Yes, He wants us to enjoy this life, but not apart from Him. Not if it means that He is no longer number one priority in our life.

I am 52 years old and weeks away from receiving my AA in psychology. For the first time in my life, I am graduating with honors. I have been accepted at the university I applied for and I am set to transfer for the Fall 2018 semester to continue in my undergraduate work. The only thing that I can clearly see as to why I am doing this is because it is God-led. I would not be putting myself through this otherwise! There is no doubt that God is guiding because of the amazing opportunities that I have had to share about Him with specific people on campus in the secular world. Not to mention how everything is working out, every single class I have needed has become available for me while others students have not been able to get into the same classees. It took a while to realize that my returning to school is not for me at all. I thought it was at first, but God has made it clear that I am on a mission. I am blending in with students that are much younger than me, but it works because I do not look like I could be their mother…thank You, LORD for that! Not only am I learning some amazing things in psychology, I am learning to watch for those doors that only He can open, to speak the words that only He can give me, to the hearts that only He can prepare to have an encounter with. This desire He has placed on my heart makes all the hard stuff and tears worth it.

This journey has brought moments of confusion, pain, and tears. It has brought heartache and a few weak moments where I wanted to get drunk to forget about things for a bit. But just like Scripture says, “No temptation has overtaken me except what is common to mankind. And GOD IS FAITHFUL. He will not allow me to be tempted beyond what I can bear…” Amen? Amen! I love His Word on my heart so I can see those escape routes and endure whatever the tempest throws my way.

Even so, I have many moments when I cry out to God, “Why in the world am I am doing this, Lord? I am old and tired”, but then I remember that I do not have to understand His perfect plan. It helps to remember so I can stay encouraged when I do not get an answer. I am learning more and more to trust Him. It is true that His grace is sufficient. People say it all the time, but I am learning to really live it. I am learning that His power is made perfect in my weakness. Besides, God has never given me a reason not to trust Him. I am learning that while I do my part, He is always doing His. I get to do my passion of ministry while I walk as a student and even though the degree in the world’s eyes does not seem like much, God will use it for His good purpose. I live in God’s economy and God’s Kingdom and He can move godly and ungodly hearts to make whatever He wants happen. It is an amazing way to live.

I will be honest, the dark valleys I walk through at times cause me to desire that the work that His Word says He will complete in me, will be completed very soon. Sometimes I do not want to stay here. But God always brings me back to my right mind and strengthens me to carry on. I have learned that it does not matter that I do not know exactly what God has in store for my life. Every once in a while, He blesses me with tiny glimpses. The ministry moments on campus have been incredible and I think He allows me to see Him touch a heart or two so I can stay encouraged. I realize just how blessed I am because most of the time, we do not get to see what He does with the seeds we sow for His Kingdom.

At the end of a fast-track class this semester, I had an opportunity to share that God became real in my life and I recently celebrated eight years of sobriety. Someone who had decided to stop believing in God and become an atheist in his late teens heard my story. At the end of his presentation, which was hours after mine, he said, “Deborah, your story really inspired me. Maybe what happened for you, will happen for me.” If that wasn’t God moving in his heart…WOW. I will never forget that day. THAT is why I am taking classes on campus.

When I am battling the thoughts to give up, I remember God’s Word. I remember He has a plan for my life. I remember He has thoughts toward me to give me a future and a hope—a future filled with hope! His thoughts are nothing like my thoughts. I remember that Jesus came to find the lost…ME! He gave me a chance to be saved. He brought me from death to life and I choose to live it for Him now no matter how challenging it is.

Thanks for listening. Whatever you are dealing with in life that has you wanting to give up, I pray that you will allow the Lord Jesus—the Spirit of the Living God to come into your heart and change it and fill it with love, hope, and peace. Will you let Him? You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain. I am grateful that I did. I discovered that the hope of Jesus is worth living for and He is the One that keeps my heart beating and singing. He gives me the peace that I will never be able to understand. Peace in the midst of my troubled (broken) mind that keeps trying to convince me that my journey is meaningless. Peace in the midst of all the other lies that find their way in that want me to give up on the Hope of Jesus and die. I know that if I lose my hope, I will lose my life. So many lives that gave up hope are gone.

I can give up, or I can choose to keep hoping in Jesus anyway—to keep living in the habit of hope. I am choosing Hope. I am choosing life. I am receiving His Peace and I pray you will too.

I will end with more words that I am grateful for. They are words that Jesus spoke to His disciples before He ascended into heaven—His promise to each of us, “I am with you always…” incredibly comforting words for us to hold onto every single day.

Choose Jesus. Choose Hope. Choose Life. †

Jesus

Does Jesus know you?

That is a question I wish someone would have been bold enough to ask me years ago, so I am going to be bold and ask it now because I hope that someone will ponder it to the point of full surrender and let the transformation begin. It was almost seven years ago, when I discovered for the first time in my life that the Lord Jesus Christ is not religion. He is real and His Spirit now lives in me. Hallelujah, I am redeemed!

As I continue to grow in my faith-walk, Scripture not only brings me my daily comfort and guidance as I seek wholeheartedly, it also makes my heart ache. My heart has been aching for a very long time now and I have been given courage to share this no matter the cost because someone needs to have their heart strings tugged at. I believe the Lord will use it in a powerful way for those whose hearts have not hardened past the point of no return and who need to hear Him and finally surrender ALL like I did. So please listen to Jesus’ words found in Matthew 7:21-23 (as written in my one year New Living Translation Bible): “21 Not all people who sound religious are really godly. They may refer to me as ‘Lord,’ but they still won’t enter the Kingdom of Heaven. The decisive issue is whether they obey my Father in heaven. 22 On judgment day many will tell me, ‘Lord, Lord, we prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name.’ 23 But I will reply, ‘I never knew you. Go away; the things you did were unauthorized…’”

Now I am not a pastor with eloquent speech, but I have become a true disciple of Christ and I believe that God uses our willing hearts in different ways to reach different types of people in different types of situations. I am a simple servant who has only been walking this walk for a short time but I will share that I think this passage is warning us that going through the motions and pretending to sound and look godly when people are watching is not going to get us anywhere with God. Religious actions without real faith in Christ does not develop a personal and loving relationship with the One who created us. This, I know!! My heart hurts to think that there will be people at the end of this present evil world who will find themselves on judgment day crying out to the Lord, only to hear Him telling them to go away because He doesn’t know them. That makes my heart tremble and so incredibly grateful that I have chosen to no longer be one of those people! I pray the same is true for you.

I do not think that this passage can be any clearer when Jesus states that the decisive issue is whether we obey the Father in heaven. If you are walking in obedience to God, you are in a relationship with Him. We cannot continue to live in our old ways of life and be obedient at the same time. We cannot pick and choose what we will obey. It is all or nothing. We must turn away from our old way of living and allow Jesus to come in and transform us from the inside out. That is why He died on that beautiful terrible Cross!!! And I also think that being obedient to God means we are known by Him. What a relief for a sinner like me.

All those years I was brought up to memorize and recite what I consider now to be mindless and incredibly empty prayers. The church back then never taught me that I needed to ask Jesus to come into my heart and be my Lord and Savior. I just did what I was told to do like a good little girl and memorized words and performed religious rituals (not sure what else to call them) that left me feeling empty and fearful for most of my life. I was taught to fear God by the church, but it was in a way that made me so afraid that when I came to a point in my life where I was nearing rock bottom, I ran even further away from God instead of to Him. In fact, I doubted that He was real and made some terrible choices that almost destroyed my life.

Today, I thank God for my rock bottom because that is where He met me and made me alive in Him. I had a choice – I could die in my sin, or I could surrender and give Him a chance. I do not regret taking that chance on Jesus!

I am also grateful for my new church and my pastors who keep me hungry for the Lord. My heart’s desire is to know Him more and more and please Him! I never had that when I was young. My heart is broken when I watch others today going through what I did back then. It doesn’t matter what their background is, whether they never knew God, or whether they’ve walked away from Him for whatever has happened in their life –all I see is dread and emptiness and I think God allows me to see it and feel it so I can pray and preach and be bold whenever He gives me something to share like this latest writing.

Some people are waiting to surrender to Jesus because they think they have time, but they are wrong. Okay, so maybe Jesus won’t come back today, but that drunk driver might strike out of nowhere or that stray bullet might hit and then what? There is no time like today.

My heart rate seems to be increasing. I never initiate altar calls in person or online, but suddenly I think this is a good time. No one is too dirty to come to be made clean by the blood of Jesus. No matter who you are or what you have done, if you want to start a new life in Christ, here’s a prayer that I found through a pastor’s book written just for you. Pray it with all your heart and then tell someone! Prayerfully seek a Bible based church and reach out. DO NOT try to do this walk alone. Please trust me on that. In time, you will understand why:

“Father, it is written in Your Word that if I confess with my mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in my heart that You have raised Him from the dead, I shall be saved. Therefore, Father, I confess that Jesus is my Lord. I make Him Lord of my life right now. I believe in my heart that You raised Jesus from the dead. I renounce my past life with the evil one and close the door to any of his devices. I thank You for forgiving me of all my sin. Jesus is my Lord, and I am a new creation. Old things have passed away; now all things become new in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

If you prayed this from the heart, God heard you! I wish I could be there to give you a hug and warm welcome to the family of God. I pray the Lord will bring some strong men and women in Christ into your life to walk along side of you. Like I said, we cannot do this alone. No matter what you think or what you have believed in the past, God loves you! He sent His one and only Son to die in our place. He paid our ransom with His blood. I pray you will believe and receive and then tell the world what He has done!

Thank You, Holy Father! ♥♥♥

In the lonely midnight hours when the pain of life hurts the most…

A Reason To Live

It is in those hours that I find myself thinking and crying about the lives that gave up hope. I think about how many have taken matters into their own hands and ended their own pain. I cry about my own pain and how to this day, even with all the amazing miracles of God in my life, I have times where I am in a fierce battle with thoughts so dark I want to do something so that I will never have to battle again. My mind tells me the only way out of that is death and I know it has to be Satan trying to convince me of that. I cry out to God as usual, and sometimes it seems like He’s not there. My mind will tell me He’s given up on me (more of Satan’s lies), but my heart knows that is not true. However, knowing that does not take the darkness or pain away – not completely, and not right away.

So how is it that I keep holding on and pressing through the pain while so many others, especially those who have also been saved by Jesus don’t? I will never know the answer to that and that always troubles my soul. But with God’s help, I pull out of the darkness every single time. I’m discovering triggers that cause the battle to start over and it seems that it gets a little darker each time. I am grateful that I have not given in to them, I know that only God can give me the strength for that and He brings me back into the light each time. I am trying to avoid the triggers, but I am a slow learner. I am especially slow when it comes to learning from my own mistakes. I also battle all the time with feeling so out of place in this world and it seems to happen more and more as I move forward on this journey. I find comfort and rest in the Lord, but I seem to do a good job of getting myself into trouble over and over again. I grow tired and just wish I could leave this world. I haven’t shared these thoughts with anyone, so making this public honestly makes me a bit nervous. My pastor has an idea that I am battling, it is not easy to let her know but I am grateful for her. She doesn’t judge me. She always helps me to see things from God’s perspective. She is a blessing. But, the battle keeps coming back. So I keep fighting the good fight praying that someday, while I am still on this earth, I will finally be able to overcome. I believe that I will. After all, I am “more than a conqueror” Amen?

As difficult as it is to share this, I strongly feel led to and it is my hope that someone else who is battling with these types of thoughts (which I know are of the devil trying to kill us off), will see this and be touched by God like they have never been touched by Him before. I’m praying more will join me in holding on with God’s strength!!

In all the wondering of why I am still here that I have done, I recently realized that it is my reverence for the Lord that keeps me holding on and pushing through the pain. Jesus could have saved Himself from dying that horrible death on the cross, but He didn’t. He loved us all too much to let us die in our sin so He suffered beyond anything we can ever imagine. If He didn’t end His own suffering, who am I to end mine? I will keep holding on and will keep pushing through the pain for His sake. He died for me so that I could live. What was I thinking wanting to destroy this wonderful gift of life He paid for with his own blood??!! I am so grateful that He woke me up AGAIN!

Thank You Jesus, for saving me over and over and over again. Lord God, I pray that more will develop this reverential fear for You and choose the gift of eternal life with YOU. Thank You for loving us that much! You are our light and our salvation! You are our strength! I lift my hurting friends up to You Lord, help them to keep holding on. Remind them that there will be a day when You will wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying, nor pain. All of that will be gone forever. Lord, remind them that this is NOT our Home.

Dear friends, our suffering in this world is nothing compared to what Jesus went through. May you find the joy and hope that only He can give. May you keep Him deep in your heart, and may He help you in finding A Reason to Live…a reason to keep holding on, just like He has done for me. Know that YOU ARE LOVED!!

These troubles and sufferings of ours are, after all, quite small and won’t last very long. Yet this short time of distress will result in God’s richest blessing upon us forever and ever!” 2 Corinthians 4:17 (TLB)

Baptism day 11.24.13

“They are better off without me.” If these words mean anything to you, I hope you’ll read this…

I know in my heart that I am not the only one who battles dark thoughts such as this. Some who are close to me may be surprised to find that I was fighting this thought very recently. I was fighting hard. For a bit there, I felt like I was losing. I think until I decided to write about this just now that only my pastor and one or two others in my life that I trust were aware that I was hearing and starting to believe those words again. It brought me back to my old dark days of depression and isolation – the horrible days when I tried so hard to drink my way through tormenting thoughts of suicide. The difference this time though, is that I did not keep it to myself. I did not withdraw from people and isolate, although it does get tempting at times. I did not relapse and try to drink it away again. Instead, I reached out to God and I reached out to my pastor and trusted Christian friends for help and I am grateful for this amazing and lifesaving change that God has made in me over the last five years.

This morning with my church family, I had the wonderful opportunity to share another testimony of God’s greatness in my life and it triggered my heart to share it here too. I have spent the last five months trying my best to be strong and courageous, trusting and leaning on God as I walked what felt like the longest and darkest valley of my journey into the unknown with Him. It did not come easy for me at all. I had some very good days, but many bad ones and shed many tears through it. It took five months for doctors to be able to tell me whether or not I have cancer. I have had amazing people of faith, much stronger than me, claiming in Jesus’ name that I am healed and that there would be no cancer. I received and I claimed it. However, because I am a weak human being, the long wait for the medical report to confirm it became quite challenging for me. The enemy knows my weaknesses very well and when I am not careful and allow him and his lies to distract me, he attacks and I get knocked down hard. I had to wait for consultations that kept getting cancelled. I had a painful procedure in December that did not go well and the attempt for a biopsy failed. So, more waiting — more of the unknown and more distractions. I started losing my focus on Jesus and started listening to the deceiver and believing his lies that I am a bad person and I deserve what’s happening to me. I started believing his lies that everyone would be better off if I were not around anymore. I was not doing anything good for anyone, I was too busy feeling sick and defeated.  I felt shame for what I was going through because I believed that it was caused by my past choices when I was living a godless life all those years before God had reached down and revealed His power to me. The enemy seemed to be winning this battle of my mind. But thankfully, I can share today, that he has lost once again. He’ll always lose with God holding me by His right hand. He will always lose, as long as I never give up.

I am so grateful that no matter how many times I get knocked down, God gives me incredible strength to keep getting back up and to keep pressing on. I am so grateful that I never give up on Him. Not that I don’t think about it once in a while, especially when I become exhausted, but I really do know better by now. Going back to the way I used to live is not an option. Not if I want to live…REALLY live.

People who are isolating and battling tormenting thoughts on their own are in danger. Isolation is the devil’s trap so he can be free to go in for the kill, but first he likes to take his time and torture for as long as he possibly can. I know. I was there. And I believe this because he almost killed me there. Isolation brings darkness, loneliness, hopelessness…basically, it brings death. A slow and painful one. I pray that if you are in this situation that you will do something about it. Stop trying to fight it alone. Let go of pride. If you haven’t called out to God yet, just do it. He’s listening! Reach out to a pastor. Reach out to others, but make sure those you reach out to are godly people. Surrounding myself by a team of godly people was not easy at the beginning, but I have a safe place to be each week where I can open up and cry and ask for help if I need to. They don’t judge and they do not make me feel ashamed. They just love me with the love that God pours through their hearts. Love I have never known before. They aren’t just a team of godly people, they are my family. Everything I have shared here is what I have done myself and is why I am still here to write about it. I was not sure what all to write about today, but I felt my heartstrings being pulled to write something. Too many are suffering alone right now. Too many have already given up on hope and too many are about to. It does not have to be. Hope in Jesus saves lives. He saved mine, in so many ways.

I have seen many miracles in the lives of others and in my own. I have prayed for miracles. I keep praying for them. But lately, I started thinking that maybe I should do more than just pray for a miracle. Maybe I should start praying that I would BE a miracle for someone else. How awesome would that be? This gives my life amazing purpose. Each of us has a special purpose for being here so let’s not give up on finding out what that purpose is. I believe it will save your life. And how amazing will it be when you find that you can be a part of God’s plan in helping other lives to be saved? What if your life and testimony helps someone else to choose Jesus — the only Way to eternal life? Is that not worth living for? I certainly think it is. Imagine if each of us touched just one heart. I get overwhelmed at the thought of what God can do with that. That’s what keeps me going in this dark and fallen world. And when I get tripped up and fall hard, which happens more than I care to admit, God helps me to get up and to keep on keeping on for Him. I am so grateful.

My heart goes out to those suffering things I suffered for too many years. If you are one, I am praying for you, that God would intervene and do for you what He has done for me and so many others. I pray you will open your heart to Him like never before. I know He will meet you right where you are. And you need to stop believing the lies and believe this…no one will ever be better off without you! It is the truth. It is not my truth, it is God’s truth!

God’s love is amazing. I am so grateful for all He is to me. I am ALIVE!! I hope you or someone you know will be encouraged by my openness today. It’s never easy, but it is always more than worth it. Oh, and I almost forgot…that unsuccessful procedure to remove only a part of the abnormal cells was a blessing that led to a minor surgery that removed ALL of the abnormal cells for biopsy. I got word the other day…NO CANCER. I am healed! Praise the Lord! Ah, God is SO not finished with me yet. And friend, I don’t believe He is finished with you either. I hope you will join me on this amazing pathway to heaven. And if you do, FASTEN YOUR SEATBELT. It is going to be the ride of your life… just sayin’.

Thanks for listening to my heart…God bless.

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