That is a question I find myself asking Him more and more lately. I feel like I have been in the fire for a long time now. It seems it started quite early on in this journey. God is up to something with me that is for sure. He has been growing me so quickly. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I am barely hanging on. So many times lately, I find myself asking Him when I am settling in for the night: “How long is this going to be for, Lord? I am tired…” I am glad He is teaching me how to fully rely on Him. I am glad I am teachable!!
It is not just me going through the fire. It is also many of my Christian brothers and sisters whom I love dearly. I am not as strong as some of them. At least I do not think so. I think I might be one of the youngest (spiritually speaking) so I really look up to them and I am hanging in there like they are. I thank God for placing them in my path. I know it was for a reason. I am pretty sure I would not have been able to last this long had it not been for their example. I know that God is working behind the scenes for all of us because amazing things have been happening little by little. Things that only God could ever make happen. It is exciting! I am glad God allows me to see a little bit at a time because it helps to keep my hope alive. I trust God has great plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11) and that is what keeps me going. Some day in the future, I believe God will use me to help a new Christian who will be going through some really tough times early on in their new walk with the Lord. I will admit that I wish I could fast forward this just a little, but I do not want to miss out on ANY blessing the Lord has for me so I shall remain faithful, obedient, and patient. No matter how difficult it gets.
It is so amazing to look back at when the Lord was first getting through to my heart. He chose a place to do it where I would need to grow quickly. Things that happened early on are just now starting to make sense for me. Of course I do not know all that He has planned and I know that is a good thing. I am certain I would be scared away if I could see it all coming. But, He sure has been doing mighty things in my life for the last couple of years. He has given me little glimpses of things. Although it still can be intimidating, I just keep following Him and being obedient. I keep climbing out of the boat for Him–so not easy to do. Sometimes I think I am shoved out, but it really is all good because it is all for God. What else am I going to do anyway? I spent my entire adult life lost in darkness. I refuse to go back to that. I am not afraid of dying, but I am terrified of living in the enemy’s chains again. I cannot ever let that happen again, so that is my motivation to keep on keeping on. Through it all, my faith is rising. I am getting stronger. Thanks to Jesus, I am an overcomer!!
Well, I think the answer to my own question of how long has just come to me: “As long as it takes…” Thank You, Lord! I am grateful for this second chance at life that You have given me. You never let me down, so I do not ever want to let You down either.
The incredible journey continues…onward!